Page 91 of Something Like Fate

Is that why there’s a dullness when we touch? Is that why I don’t catalog the way the pads of his fingers feel against my cheek, or the taste of his mouth as he slides his tongue against mine? Because it feels predetermined? There’s a disconnect, like we’re kissing and touching through a barrier, dulling the experience.

When he pulls back and smiles at me, my mind surges with intrusive thoughts. Teller’s face. Teller’s lips. Teller’s eyes. I’m overthinking this. I’m too in my head after everything. Too in my head to give Caleb my full attention.

We part ways shortly after getting out of the water but not before I invite him on the catamaran excursion tomorrow that Mei booked. When I get back to the Airbnb, Mei is still awake, on her phone, propped up by pillows against the headboard. I quickly change out of my wet clothes and into my muumuu.

“Nice night?” she asks, scrutinizing my new outfit. She doesn’t say anything, though I can tell by the crease between her brows she thinks it’s hideous. She’d be horrified that I paid full price.

“Yeah,” I say, though I don’t know if I sound convincing.

She raises her brow. “You’re not happy. What’s wrong?”

She’s right. I should be happier than ever. Why don’t I feel happy? It’s like a funhouse. Everything is technically where it should be but a little off. Ajar. Crooked.

“Well, I hate school. I’m thinking of deferring,” I say, finally feeling brave enough to admit it.

“That’s why your life line is splintered!” Her eyes go wide like she’s cracked a puzzle.

My shoulders drop in shame. “I really tried all year to give it a chance. But I just can’t do it anymore. It didn’t feel right, being there.Even while applying for colleges, everyone else made getting accepted their whole world. I never really cared because I never felt like it was what I was supposed to be doing. But I felt this obligation.”

“See? You’re more intuitive than you thought. I’m proud of you for following your gut. For having the courage to go against the grain and not just blindly doing what you think you’re supposed to. Not many people your age can do that.”

“It’s not like it’s gotten me anywhere. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life—” I pause, sucking in a deep breath. “Do you think Mom would have been disappointed?” According to my aunts, my mom was the nerd of the sisters. She loved school.

Mei doesn’t hesitate to shake her head. “Not at all. Hon, you’re only nineteen years old. You have a lot of time to figure life out. Look at Aunt Ellen. She went to teachers college at thirty-two. It’s never too late to find your passion. Your mom would have supported that.”

“You know who won’t be as supportive ...”

“I’ll handle your dad when the time comes,” she vows. “What else is going on?” she asks, still sensing I’m a total mess.

“Things with Caleb feel weird now. It’s hard to explain. I like him. A lot. He’s literally the blueprint of my perfect guy. His personality, his looks, all eleven out of ten,” I add. “We have everything in common. Same interests, same views on most things. I always feel on top of the world when I’m with him. Like, I’m inspired to do more, see more, experience everything. He makes me want to live my best life. And he has feelings for me too. Big feelings.”

“But now?”

“I’m scared I don’t like him as much as I should.” Heavy from the weight of it all, I rest my head on her lap.

She runs her fingers through my hair. “You’ve only known each other a few weeks. A soulmate doesn’t mean instant fireworks. Sometimes it takes a while to develop a connection.”

“Fair. But when we first met, I thought we had that electric connection. Now it feels like it’s faded. I don’t know where that feeling went.”

“You know what, we need to call Ellen.”

We ring Ellen and luckily, she picks up. “You better not send me one more picture of your delicious food. Do you know how cruel that is? I’m a very pregnant woman!”

“Hi, Aunt Ellen,” I say.

“Oh, hey, Lo.” She perks up knowing I’m here too. Mei prods me to explain everything to Ellen.

“Do you think you could love Caleb?” she asks.

“I mean, I don’t really know. Is that bad? Shouldn’t I automatically love my soulmate?”

“Ellen, this reminds me of Hank,” Mei says. Hank is Ellen’s husband. “Remember how hard it was to pin him down?”

Ellen laughs. “I knew he was The One when we met. But he wasn’t interested in marriage or children. It took me, what ... three years to make him fall in love with me?”

“It did? So it wasn’t instant?”

“Nope. Not at all. Fate doesn’t have a sell-by date,” Ellen says.

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