Page 90 of Something Like Fate

“You don’t. You already apologized,” I remind him. I don’t feel at liberty to be mad, considering what happened with Teller. I’m the one who’s committed the ultimate betrayal. I’ll have to tell him eventually, if I don’t screw this up yet again.

“I know. But I don’t think one sorry is enough. I mean, I ditched you in Florence right after you told me all of this stuff about yourfamily, your mom. All that history. I just straight-up left without telling you, like a complete coward. If I were you, I’d never talk to me again.”

I get the feeling he needs to get this off his chest, so I let him.

He hangs his head, letting his feet drag in the dirt. “Like I said yesterday, I got scared.”

“I did drop a pretty big bomb on you. The whole soulmate thing is a touch terrifying to the average person,” I say over the rustle of the lemon tree above us.

“Maybe. But I’m grateful you did. You forced me to stop and think about how I’m living my life. I always thought while I’m young and traveling, I had to be alone. I couldn’t be tied down. But when I was on the train to Naples, I realized that it would be nice to have someone by my side. And truthfully, the time I spent with you was some of the best I’ve had.”

I let it all sink in, studying the uneven path, kicking a small rock between my feet. He’s taken full accountability for what he’s done, no excuses. He’s also admitted that his feelings for me aren’t just casual. In fact, they’re pretty freakin’ big. Still, I’m hesitant.

“I have to ask, though, are you still scared? Monogamy isn’t really something that’s negotiable for me.”

“I won’t lie—I am, a little bit,” he admits. “I’ve never actually been in love. I’ve never even had a relationship longer than two months.”

“Me either, actually.”

“Maybe we can learn together?” He gives me an earnest look that nearly knocks me off my feet. It’s the same jolt I got when our eyes locked for the first time.

“I—I’d like to, but I’m leaving. In a few days,” I say before I get too carried away.

He leans into me and plants soft kisses on my shoulder. “I think you should stay. Please? I’ve never had a connection like this with anyone. It feels big for me too. Even if you never told me we were supposed to be together, I’d still feel like there was something different about us. Something bigger.”

“I wish I could stay.” I can’t help but think this is how it should have been the first time around, when I first told him he was The One. Things could have been so different if he hadn’t left. Teller and I never would have—

“Seriously, I mean, you said yourself you were thinking of deferring. You could stay a couple extra weeks and travel around with me. Stay as long as you want.”

The prospect sounds amazing in theory. But I’ve only budgeted enough for one month. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know if I can afford it.”

“I travel extremely cheap, as you know,” he says. “Plus, we’d be splitting a room.”

I’ve fixed in my mind that this is just a monthlong adventure. That I’d inevitably go home, back to reality. It never occurred to me that I could stay. At least, I think I could.

“I’ll have to think about that. My dad might have a heart attack,” I say. Then again, he doesn’t have to agree. I am an adult. I don’t need his permission to stay.

Caleb goes quiet. “Ah, think your dad will hate my guts?”

“Absolutely not. He’s just ... overprotective. He doesn’t want us rushing into anything.”

“That’s understandable. I wouldn’t want my daughter rushing into a relationship with a strange guy she met abroad.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” I say with a laugh.

As we head back to Positano, I stop to take in the view. The blue sea stretches beneath the dramatic cliffs and hillsides. I’m not sure I’m ready to leave this.

33

After our hike, Caleb and I hang out at the beach, sprawled out on wrinkled, sandy towels, only getting up for the necessities (gelato). The sun hangs lazily in the sky, casting everything in the perfect peachy hue. Caleb reads a tattered old paperback he found in a Little Free Library in London, while I pretend to read a thriller.

I think about what I’d be going home to. It’s a blank slate. I feel a glaring pressure to fill it with something I’m passionate about. Something worth deferring college for. I’d have to find a more permanent job. Bianca will be back home, a couple hours away, for the rest of summer, and who knows if we’ll even hang out next year if I’m no longer a student. And then I’d have to deal with the disappointment of how things played out with Teller, not to mention him leaving and probably getting back together with Sophie.

Caleb and I haven’t had adequate time yet to figure out where we go from here. Staying for a few extra weeks probably isn’t a terrible idea. We need to figure things out between us. He is my soulmate, after all.

As the sun goes down, he runs into the water with his clothes still on and I follow. It’s exhilarating, impulsive, a surge of childlike joy. I want to remember this moment forever. The sprinkle of colored houses stacked along the rocky cliffside, glowing and sun-tinted. The glimmer on the surface of the water when the sun hits it just right. The shock of the cold water enveloping my body. This is how Caleb makes me feel—free.

And yet, when he pulls me to him and kisses me, I don’t feel that same electric spark. When we first kissed in Rome, it felt like I could lose myself in him entirely. It’s still nice, but it’s like I’m going through the motions. Because I’m supposed to. Because this is what’s destined to happen.

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