Page 23 of Set on You

He takes another step forward, closing the gap between us. “Ihada girlfriend. We broke up two weeks ago. Not long before I met you, actually. I hadn’t told my family before tonight.”

It’s a good thing I’m not holding the barbell, because I absolutely would have dropped it on my toes. This is just too convenient. I shake my head in denial. “Scott, you don’t have to make up some elaborate lie. Good night.” I stubbornly turn to begin my next set of ten.

“I’m not lying.” Scott rounds the rack, standing to the side, waiting silently. “Crystal,” he says firmly as I hit my last rep.

“What? Just go away,” I plead, setting the barbell back on the rack with a lazythud, still unable to fathom why he didn’t vanish into thin air the moment I let him off the hook.

“Is that really what you want?”

I meet his eyes for a long moment, trying to determine whether he’s being genuine or not. I want to believe him. I want to treasure our kiss. I want to tell him,No. Stay, but I stop myself.

Whether he’s being truthful or not, it doesn’t change anything. He literally just broke up with his girlfriend. It takes me twice as long to mourn the end of a juicy season ofGame of Thrones, let alone a human being I was romantically involved with. And it doesn’t help that Diana is a literal Disney princess on ice. Judging from a quick social media stalk, she fully embodies the character of Belle fromBeauty and the Beast.Aside from her tiny figure skater frame, she has Belle’s soulful doll eyes, porcelain skin, and perfectly symmetrical heart-shaped face. What guy wouldn’t rush back to a girl who looks like that if given the chance?

I don’t want to be some fill-in, giving him a momentary reprieve from how heartbroken he actually is but isn’t aware of yet.I’ve only just emerged from Rebound Land with Neil—and I won’t be returning.

“Yes, just go,” I say, squinting in a sad attempt to blur him out of existence.

He sighs, raising his hands in surrender. “Okay. Fine. But I wasn’t lying. I don’t have a girlfriend. I wouldn’t do something like that.”

My expression remains unchanged. After a few beats of thick silence, he bows his head in defeat and walks out of the gym.

10:47 A.M.—INSTAGRAM POST: “SIZE POSITIVE CAMPAIGN—KNOWING YOUR WORTH” BYCURVYFITNESSCRYSTAL:

Okay, buckle in. This post is about to get serious.

Would you ever tell a friend: “You’re disgusting,” “You’re ugly,” “You’re not smart enough,” “You’re not good enough for him”? My guess is NO. Unless you’re a really shit friend, or a sociopath. If you’d never say these things to a friend, then why would you say them to yourself?

Your self-worth isn’t just about your weight, or your fitness level. It’s also about the health of your mind, soul, and heart. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over my fitness journey, it’s that negative attracts negative. Get that toxicity out of your life. And yes, that includes people. If you’re toxic to yourself, you will attract toxic individuals into your life. Don’t allow people to put you into positions that make you feel less than. Take control of your ownlife and don’t be afraid to put people in their place when necessary.

So, do me a favor and write down a list of all the things you like about yourself. Your bomb hair. Your amazing legs. Your sense of humor. Anything. Stare at that list and memorize the shit out of it like it’s your elementary school speech. Reread it every day.

If you have one of those days where you like what you see in the mirror, or you’ve had a kick-ass workout, or you’re happy with the way you’ve handled something, write it down and keep it for whenever you have a negative thought. We tend to remember the bad over the good.

Love,

Crystal

Comment byTrain.wreckk.girl: I needed to hear this today. Thank you.

Comment byMelanie_inthecity: Yes!! Don’t give people the power to dim your sparkle.

•••

“WHAT HAPPENED WHENyou went back into Mamma Maria’s?” I ask Tara, finally emerging from my room after uncharacteristically sleeping in.

She’s lying upside down on the couch, reading her latestpaperback, a historical romance, from the look of the cover. She makes me wait a couple beats before looking up from her book, eyes widening at the sight of my hair. I closely resemble a mangled killer doll in need of a good exorcism and I don’t want to talk about it.

“Mom, Dad, and Grandma were worried, wondering what happened. I told them you were upset because Scott was a dick,” she explains.

“Okay...” I gesture for her to continue as I perch on the edge of the couch.

“I think Scott overheard, because he awkwardly came up to me after. I was telling him about my New York Public Library disaster and his eyes glazed over one minute in—and you know that’s a damn good story,” she adds defensively. “I thought he was just an awko-taco, eyes darting around, looking all sad. Turns out, he was concerned about you. He wanted to know why you left. I figured you should be the one to explain it to him, so I just saidAsk her yourselfand left it at that. Then Nathan, the waiter, discreetly left his number on a napkin on my plate. I took it. I figure if I’m still single in ten years, I’ll text him.”

“You won’t be single in ten years,” I reassure her, collapsing back into the couch, momentarily glancing at the random Instagram notifications popping up on my most recent post promoting my Size Positive campaign. “Scott showed up at the gym, by the way.”

Her eyes widen. “Seriously?”

“He claimed he didn’t have a girlfriend,” I say through a snort. “Said they’d broken up. Conveniently before I met him when he stole my squat rack.”

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