Page 74 of Something to Someone

The song changed, and Natalie and I descended into a comfortable silence. I finished eating, and she sat with me, watching the crowd, as I did. Theo brought her over a new glass of wine, brought us both cake, gave her a quick kiss, and then returned to the table he was sitting at with a few of his college buddies.

Nothing was out of the ordinary until I caught Natalie out of the corner of my eye chug half of her glass in almost one swallow. It was very out of character, and I was immediately on alert.

“Is every—” I began to say, but she beat me to it.

“It’s Ryder.”

My fork stopped mid-air, and I froze. “What?” I asked around my sudden panic.

“The guy you’ve been…” She stopped and thought for a moment like she was unsure what word to use next. “…seeingthat you won’t tell me about.”

A litany of curse words, ones I hadn’t even thought of or used before, crossed my mind as my panic began to suffocate me. My stomach dropped, and I set my fork down on my plate. It more like clattered to the plate unceremoniously and loudly even over the music.

“Should I skip the‘what are your intentions with my son’speech?”

“Natalie, I—” I began, but she waved me off, turning in her chair to face me completely.

“Just let me say something really quick before you explain.”

She waited for me to acknowledge her request, and I managed to nod my head as I prepared for my best friend to justifiably berate me. But I should have known better. I wasn’t sure Natalie had berated anyone in her entire life or even considered it.

“You’re my best friend, and I love you more than almost anyone in the entire world. Except for maybe the moody guy over there,” she said, motioning with her head to Theo. “And Ryder. I know it would be hypocritical of me to be upset since I did sleep with, date, and move in with his best friend, but I’m still a little concerned.”

“You’re not upset?” I wasn’t sure how she heard me over the music, but she did.

She began to shake her head, the dark curls from her updo framing her face brushing against her cheeks, but like she thought better of it, she stopped and shrugged. The music faded at that moment, and I could hear her loaded sigh.

Anxiety made my stomach churn, and the anticipation of what followed that sigh made me want to puke.

“You’re going to break his heart, Care.”

“No,” I said immediately,vehemently. “It’s not…serious. We both know it’s not.”

Her dark brows shot up, and her expression was the very definition of incredulous. She reached forward and clasped my hand in both of hers. “Okay, now, once more with feeling.”

“Nat, I’m serious that we’renotserious,” I said. “And I’m not going to break his heart. I don’t want to do that.”

“You might not want to, but you’re powerful. Your heartbreaking ability isn’t something you can entirely control. I’ve seen you break them without batting an eye.”

Shaking my head, I squeezed Natalie’s hands and glanced down at where they sat in my lap. “I didn’t—we didn’t—” I groaned and took a breath through my nose before I could continue. Words were hard even when Natalie was being so kind and understanding. Talking about my feelings didn’t come as naturally to me as it did to her, but she was my best friend and gave me a moment to collect myself and find the words.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I finally said quietly.

She nodded, and I looked up to find a small smile on her pink lips. “I know, babe. I can’t imagine that you meant for any of this to happen.”

“You shouldn’t be mad at Ryder either. He wanted to tell you, and I just…I couldn’t. I didn’t want to disappoint you or fuck anything else up. Especially when it was just supposed to be?—”

Abruptly, I stopped talking. The realization only hit me toward the end of the sentence that I was about to tell Natalie something she likely didn’t want to hear about her son.

“Just supposed to be, what?” she asked.

I rolled my lips and shook my head. Natalie proceeded to roll her eyes and lean back in her chair, dropping my hands and picking up her wineglass. “Supposed to be fun?”

I momentarily closed my eyes and tried to figure out how I’d gotten myself into such a fucked-up situation. I was careful and mindful and intentional. I had a purpose for everything I did—whether that purpose be business-related or pleasure-centered—I thought things through. I considered all possibilities and identified the repercussions. Which was why I didn’t date, and I rarely slept with anyone—at least anyone who lived nearby—regularly.

Except for Ryder. It was always except for Ryder. He radically disrupted the rational side of my brain by doing nothing at all.

“Yeah,” I said, finally answering her question.

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