Page 21 of Under Your Care

Wait.

Did he want me to think that I wanted this?

Was I gaslighting myself? Self-victim-blaming?

A knock on the door reverberated throughout the room. I continued looking straight into the mirror as I watched him enter and lock his sight on me. I watched as he strode over, standing behind me, making eye contact with me through the mirror.

“Are you hungry?” He gently asked.

I nodded, turning to take his offered hand. To my surprise, he led me out of my bedroom and down a hallway, stopping in the kitchen. He pulled out one of the chairs from the kitchen table. I sat quietly, seeing a waffle and a cup of chocolate milk in front of me. Looking around, I could see that we were in a large, high-end apartment with floor to ceiling windows, a nice living room with a big, cozy couch and brick fireplace. While my room screamed “twelve-year-old girl obsessed with fairytales and her mother’s makeup,” the rest of the apartment was somewhat moody - dark woods, brick, dark greens and blacks. It fit well with this new side of Greyson I was seeing.

“Please tell me you’re not giving me the silent treatment,” he tried to joke, but the tension in his body language betrayed him.

“No, I’m just… confused. Why am I here, Greyson?”

His eyebrows raised before he brightly smiled and reached over to cut my waffle into bite-size pieces.

He hummed, “In general? I began planning to take you after our first session. I had originally planned for your… relocation to be in several weeks from now, but I admittedly got a tad bit anxious after our last session. It was a hasty decision, but I didn’t want anyone else touching you. You said you were going to try to find a partner.I’myour partner.”

“The room?” I asked him, picking up a piece of waffle with my fork.

He watched - a pleased look on his face - as I ate.

“Do you like it? Every single thing in there was chosen with you in mind. My room will always be our room, but I wanted you to have a place all to yourself too.’ He hesitated, drumming his fingers against his glass. “You seem calmer now. Did the alone time help?”

I grumbled, “Sure.”

“I’m glad.”

“I’m still confused on how I’m supposed to feel. You’ve committed several crimes against me. You’re apparently a murderer? I don’t think I should act like this is okay.”

Greyson tilted his head, letting out a small chuckle. “Mm. I did and I am.” He looked deep into my eyes. “You’re not supposed to feel any specific way. I don’t want you to act with me. I want your genuine emotions - raw, unfiltered - however dark or abnormal you think they are. Earlier, when you told me to leave, you didn’t actually want me to. You realized that you weren’t acting how someone drugged and kidnapped by their therapistshouldact, and that scared you. You’ve hidden your true feelings your entire life, hiding behind the facade of normalcy - pretending. You don’t have to hide anymore, darling.”

I swallowed, silenced by my confusion on whether he was really right or if he was only making me feel like he was. I cleared my throat.

“Last night… that would count as sexual assault if I went to the police. I don’t understand how I’m not upset by that - what I should be disgusted at - and instead I’m upset and confused withnotbeing as upset as I think I should be. I feel… I feel like I’m not reacting how I should be, considering my past. I never felt like this back then. I was never confused like this.”

“Would you feel differently about last night if it hadn’t been me?”

“Yes.”

“Did I ask for your consent?”

I frowned, “No. And that’s what I’m struggling with. I’m mad at myselffor liking it. I’m mad at myself because I should hate you. I need to hate you, Greyson. It doesn’t make sense for me not to hate you.”

“Hate me all you want, little fawn. But, know that I will never stop loving you, never stopneedingyou. If you need to push me away for your own sanity, I will pull you back every time. I will spend every second of every day of the rest of our lives proving that to you.”

I hesitated, “Do you plan to keep me here forever?”

“Probably nothereforever. We might want a house one day,” he stated casually.

I blinked.

“Let me rephrase. You plan to keepmeforever?” I probed, doubtful.

“Yes, was that not clear?”

“What if you get bored of me? What if–”

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