Page 9 of Under Your Care

“You heard him, boys. You shouldn’t be scaring his friend like that,” he said. Both twins rolled their eyes before rising from their seats.

“You’re no fun, Grey. We’ll leave. See you later,” the earrings twin pouted. Dr. Cohen sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. Once the cafe’s door closed behind his brothers, he apologized for their behavior.

“My apologies, as you can see, they’re not great with people besides themselves. I hope neither of you have the misfortune of running into them again.” Half-smiling at the both of us, he lifted his hand from my shoulder and grabbed his coffee cup from the table. “I should probably catch up with them. I’ll see you soon, Lane.” He nodded at me before turning and leaving the cafe. Oliver and I sat in confused silence for a minute before I spoke up.

“Sorry, that was weird. Dr. Cohen’s so nice, so I can’t believe his brothers acted like that. You okay?” I asked.

“I guess. I’m feeling overstimulated now, so I’m gonna head back tothe shop. Let me know if anything else happens with your stalker, okay?” He rolled his shoulders back, picking up his own cup.

I sighed but nodded and left the cafe with him. Giving him a quick side-hug, I promised I would keep him updated.

Chapter 6

Lane

The next day, I arrived at Dr. Cohen’s office for our session. Amelia, the receptionist - a kind Asian girl who looked to be around my age - lit up as I walked up to the check-in desk.

“Hey, Mr. Bennett! Let me just tell Dr. Cohen you’re here,” she smiled. “He just came back from a break between patients, so I have to check to make sure he’s ready for you.”

Amelia speedily dialed his extension, tapping her manicured nails on her desk as she waited for him to pick up. She gave me a nod before speaking into the phone, “Hi, yes, he just arrived.” She nodded again, responding, “Okay, just a sec!” Putting the phone back on its receiver, she said to me, “He asked if I could just send you back, I think he’s just getting his things back together or something. Do you know the way? If not, I can totally walk with you!”

I gave her a friendly smile. “No, I got it, but thank you.”

I opened the door to enter the hallway leading to Dr. Cohen’s room. Finding his door, I knocked.

The door swung open and I was faced with a smiling Dr. Cohen. He stepped to the side to allow me entrance into the room.

“Lane, come in. How have you been since I last saw you? Or rather, ourlast session,” he joked. His face then softened as he asked gently, “Any new issues since the break-in?”

I shook my head as I answered, “No, nothing’s happened Um… Can I ask you something, though? It’s just that it’s… I’m not sure - I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.” I glanced up and met his eyes.

“You can ask me anything, Lane. I promise I will not judge you,” he replied gently.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and spilled. “Uh, well - I think I like the attention I’m getting from whoever this person is. Ugh, I don’t know. That probably makes me sound pathetic. But, I guess in the back of my mind, I thought they’d get tired of it and move on. I mean, it still hasn’t been very long but they’ve been leaving me more flowers and stuff and… I don’t know - It’s dumb.”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the judgement I knew would be in Dr. Cohen’s eyes.

“Hmm.” Dr. Cohen spoke carefully, “Are you not used to getting attention?”

“I mean - No and yes,” I hesitated, opening my eyes to find Dr. Cohen’s curious gaze on me. I began to fiddle with the rings I had on while answering, “I’m used to attention, but it never lasts long. Like I’ll have a guy’s attention for the couple hours I’m with him, but then once the interaction is over, it’s gone. I think it’s that their interest is only in what they can get from me, not actually me?”

“I see. Do you get a lot of those spurts of attention?” he asked, a tick in his jaw.

“Oh. Um, no - not anymore,” I answered quickly, not wanting him to think anything bad of me.

Dr. Cohen tightly smiled as he questioned further, “Anymore? Let’s expound on that. I’m sure it will give us some insight on your current… issue.”

“Ah, okay. Well, do you remember the cousin I told you about? Tate?” He nodded, expression softening instantaneously. I continued, “Well… The stuff with him ended when I was twelve. I kinda tried to pretend it didn’t happen for a while. Isolating myself and convincing myself it wasn’t anything I needed help with. Then when I was fourteen, I told people about being assaulted - not the full extent of it - but still. And um… Well, you know how most boys going through puberty are. And I know the abuse would have affected me at any age, but I think that it messed something up with… Ugh. My sex drive? My attraction towards others? It just didn’t seem like my body wanted that sort of thing. And that was fine for a few years, but then I did start feeling attraction towards other boys. But… when I went to…do things - I couldn’t get hard. I desperately wanted a relationship and I was definitely interested in sex, but it’s like my body thought otherwise.” I paused, looking at the slight furrow in his brow.

“That’s rather normal. Each survivor is going to be different, but typically they either develop a deep aversion to sexual acts, or become hypersexual as a healing mechanism - reclaiming their sexuality, per se. Are you comfortable continuing?”

I nodded, “I learned about the sexual aversion thing myself, and I thought maybe exposure therapy would help?” He raised his brows, surprise evident in his expression. “I had tried a few things in high school with classmates but not much. So I wasn’t too concerned about it then. But, when I went to college, I decided to start tryingharder.I assumed that if I got used to things, then it’d fix everything, and then I could get a serious partner, you know? The first year, I tried to hookup with fifteen guys. And I don’t want to slut-shame myself, but I promise it’s not as bad as it sounds! Well, I mean… it is still bad in a way. I don’t know. Anyways, I never got aroused and had to stop each time before it even got under the clothes or anything. A lot of them would get pretty angry at me, but even if I’m a bottom, I feel like being hard is a prerequisite of sex? Being touched never scared me, but it was more like Iwas numb to any physical stimuli. After that, I’ve tried a handful of times, maybe four or five. Same results. I gave up almost a year ago now.”

He tilted his head, “What do you mean by saying that you gave up?”

“Oh… Well, I stopped trying. Stopped looking for hookups, stopped myself from getting too close to guys, stopped believing that I’ll ever have someone of my own,” I said, a solitary tear dancing down my cheek.

His expression looked pained as he murmured, “Oh, Lane…” Suddenly, he got up from his chair and sat on the other end of the couch. He very lightly placed a hand on my lower thigh as he said, “You’re so young… I understand no longer entertaining casual encounters but… you shouldn’t give up on having a long-term partner.”

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