Page 47 of Ten

“Lorelai,” he repeated, thinking it was exactly the sort of name he would have expected her to choose. “That’s a beautiful name.”

“I thought so.” She kept her gaze fixed on the windshield. “Kiki didn’t. He hated the name, but he hated that he was having a daughter even more. I think if he’d found out early enough in the pregnancy he would have made me get another abortion.”

Yet another reason to beat that asshole.

“I’m glad he didn’t. I’m glad I got to carry her as long as I did.”

Ten wasn’t sure whether he should ask or if he should stay silent and let her talk. When she didn’t say anything, he cautiously asked, “Was it the shotgun blast that killed her?”

“No, not exactly,” Nisha said, and her fingers tightened around his. “He had strangled me a few times during the pregnancy. That night he had done it worse than ever before.” Her voice was monotone as if she were reciting words from a page. “I thought I was going to die. I really did. He just kept squeezing and squeezing, and I felt her kicking in me, and then—nothing.”

Ten’s heart raced as she recounted the horrific abuse. “Nisha, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, so am I. I failed her. I should have—.” She made a gulping sound and then roughly wiped her face. “I should have left as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I should have protected her.”

“Nisha—.”

“I know,” she interrupted. “I know what you’re going to say.” She exhaled roughly. “But I also know that I had a duty to my child. I was supposed to keep her safe, and I didn’t. She died because I wasn’t strong enough to leave.”

“That’s not true.” He couldn’t bear the thought of her carrying that immense guilt. He couldn’t bear the thought of her suffering under that weight. “She died because Kiki was evil. He killed her. Not you.”

“They cut her out of me, you know?” She seemed far away now. “Emergency c-section. Right there in the ER. Just hacked away at me. They call it a splash and crash or something like that.” She rubbed her face. “It was awful, but I was desperate for them to save her.” She inhaled a shaky breath. “But she never breathed. She never cried. She was already gone before the buckshot tore through me.”

Ten almost couldn’t bear the image that her words painted. How had Nisha survived? Not just physically, but mentally? Emotionally? To be battered and abused? To learn that her husband was a serial killer? To have her baby killed before she ever had a chance to live? It was too much for one woman to endure.

“I can still have kids,” she said. “In case you’re wondering.”

“I wasn’t, but that’s good?” He wasn’t sure if it was or not. Maybe she didn’t want to ever be pregnant again after what she experienced with Lorelai. “If you want to have more children?”

“Yes, I want to have more children.” Nisha turned her attention from the windshield to him. “Do you want to have kids?”

“With you?” he asked, glancing away from the road to meet her gaze in the dim light from the dashboard. “Yes.”

She seemed startled. “Just like that? Yes?”

“Nisha, I’ll give you as many babies as you want. Fuck, I’ll even stay home and be a full-time dad if that’s what makes you happy.” He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it again. “I’ll do anything you want. Whatever makes you happy, you ask me, and it’s yours.”

“Why?” she asked, sounding completely bewildered.

“Why?” he echoed. “Because I love you, Nisha Jackson.” He swallowed the ball of emotion blocking his throat. “I think I fell in love with you the first time you scowled and rolled your eyes at me.”

“Anton!” she scolded.

“What? It’s true! I fumbled through my attempt to flirt with you, and you made that face and rolled your big, brown eyes. I was done. That was it. You fucking owned me from that moment.”

“You’re serious.” She seemed to have finally grasped he was telling the truth. “You’ve loved me this whole time?”

“Yes.” Knowing she was under so much emotional strain, he said, “But you don’t have to love me back. Not yet. I can wait.”

“Anton.”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

His heart pounded against this sternum. “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

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