Page 81 of Past Due

“I was let down and disappointed,” I admitted. “But, you proved that I can count on you by coming to the police station, by bringing me here, bathing me, doctoring my feet, holding me, telling me your truth.”

I brushed his damp hair back and gently pressed until he was looking at me again. “Besian, I don’t expect perfection from you. We’re humans, and we’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to screw things up. We’re going to argue. We’re going to hurt each other’s feelings.”

I kissed his forehead and the tip of his nose and then gently pressed my lips to his. “Our parents damaged us, but that doesn’t mean we have to live damaged lives or stay damaged. We can work these things out, you know? Like Ben’s body shop,” I attempted some humor. “Buff out the dents and repaint the scratches.”

“I don’t know if there’s enough Bondo in the world to patch me up,” he replied with a harsh laugh.

“We won’t find out if we don’t try.” I wiped the tears from his cheeks and dabbed at his wet face with the top sheet. “I want to try.”

He made a sound that broke my heart before embracing me. He pressed his cheek to mine. “I love you, Marley. I love you so much.”

I melted into the secure cradle of his strong arms. “I love you, B.”

We clung to each other for a long time before finally shifting into a more comfortable position. He rolled onto his back and drew me half on top of him. Content and relaxed, I listened to his heartbeat and enjoyed the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He fell asleep before I did, giving me some time to think about all that he had said.

Knowing what he had suffered as a child helped me make sense of his confusing behavior. I meant what I had said about working things out and working on ourselves. I could only imagine how resistant he would be to therapy, but I decided it would have to be a condition of staying together.

Even if he only went two or three times, it would be better than nothing. I wanted him to heal, to learn to let others love him and believe in that love. I wanted a future with him that included a family, and we couldn’t continue the cycle of dysfunction we had survived as children. We had to be better than that.

Lulled to sleep by the rhythm of his heartbeat, I felt calm and happy. We were together as partners and lovers, and I would be damned if I let anyone try to separate us again.

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