Page 3 of Past Due

“If you do feel sick, let us know. It’s completely normal after anesthesia.” She took my pulse and checked her watch. “Heart rate looks good. Your breathing has normalized. Blood pressure is still a bit wonky, but we’ll get that handled. Let’s check your temp, okay?”

I opened my mouth so she could slip the probe under my tongue. A few moments later, it beeped, and she removed it with a frown. “101.7.”

“Infection?” I asked, already fearing the worst.

“Maybe,” she answered evasively. “We’ll keep an eye on it.” She ejected the temperature probe cover into the trash. “Do you want me to let your parents back in? One at a time?”

I weakly shook my head. “No.”

“Is there anyone else you would like to come sit with you?”

“My best friend went home to rest,” I explained, tiredly gesturing toward the dark sky outside the windows of the cardiac ICU. “There shouldn’t be anyone else in the waiting room for me.”

Even as I said it, I wished more than anything that there was. Not so long ago, I had been the one waiting all night and into the early morning hours to visit a patient who needed emergency surgery. Would he do the same for me? Would he sit there and wait for a chance, even if just a few moments, to come sit at my bedside? To hold my hand? To smile tenderly? To show me that he cared?

After the nurse left, I stayed awake a little longer, all the while trying to convince myself he would come. It was easy to think of reasons why his visit was delayed. Maybe he wanted to give me time to get out of the ICU. Maybe he didn’t want to deal with Spider or my mother. Maybe he had to handle the mess left behind with the Triad.

I fell asleep with the belief that, when I woke, he would be there.

I woke to the realization he still hadn’t come.

And as I moved from the ICU to Step Down and then into a regular room, I had visits from everyone else. Aston, Ben, Abby, Mattie, my coworkers at the pawn shop, friends from college, even my favorite professor—they all stopped in to see me, bringing flowers, cards and well wishes. Everyone who meant anything to me found the time for me. Everyone but him.

Which could only mean one thing.

I didn’t mean anything to him.

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