Page 15 of Captured Heart

“Ugh! Kate, stop it.” She lets out an exaggerated groan. “Assignments and projects are not the end all, be all of the entire universe. I know that asshole broke your heart, but you can’t keep shielding yourself from the real world by hiding away in your books all the time.”

Karmani does that from time to time. Delivers the truth in such a brutal way that it leaves me wounded. Jason was everything I thought I wanted. Charming, good-looking, and sweet. At least at first. We met in my freshman year, and I fell hard. I thought we were building something real. But it was all a façade, and I fell for that, too.

My grandmother was a wise woman, and when I started dating in high school, she gave me some great advice. She said:Miryou ni madowasareru to, akai hata ga pinku ni mieru mono da yo, which in essence means:When you’re dazzled by attraction, red flags start to look pink.

The problem is, I never heeded her advice. Jason was so dazzlingly handsome in my eyes that I ignored issue after issue, red flag after red flag. And my inability to stand my ground and voice my concerns led to me walking in on him naked in a hot tub with two cheerleaders.

Even now, the memory still stings like salt in an open wound. The humiliation and betrayal cut me to my very core. Peoplewere laughing behind my back for a month, whispering about my most embarrassing moment as I walked by.

That’s the price you pay for dating the popular jock, I guess. But it wasn’t just the betrayal that gutted me; it was what came after. The excuses, the gaslighting. He told me he deserved more than apart-time girlfriend, that I had been far too busy with school, and he’d felt neglected.

Talk about having the emotional maturity of a three-year-old. He knew how heavy my workload was before we started dating. He said he was fine with it, so for him to throw my hard work and dedication back in my face as the reason he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants was such a slap in the face. And when I called him out on exactly that, didn’t this bastard turn around and tell me that the reason he cheated was because I wasboring.

Yep. That’s what he said. I was boring in bed. Boring in conversation. Boring in every conceivable way.

I was just a boring bore of a person, and instead of telling me that to my face (like Karmani constantly does), he went behind my back and screwed other women who were obviously far more exciting than me.

Now, I’ll admit, I’m rigid in my ways. I like things how I like them, and I don’t respond well to sudden change or any spontaneity in general. But to be told that I’mboringhit me in a way I still haven’t recovered from. I don’t think my self-esteem will ever be the same again.

I’ve replayed that conversation so many times, trying to figure out how I could have done better, been more. But no matter how many ways I twist it, the truth remains the same. I am who I am, and he just didn’t like...me.

Despite my shattered heart, I’ve chosen to see the silver lining instead of the cloud. And the silver lining is that I walked away with some valuable life lessons. My tolerance for bullshit is now at zero, and I also learned to speak up for myself. Ifsomething bothers me, I’ll voice my concerns then and there and not play games. Meek and mild-mannered Katelyn no longer exists because trying to accommodate someone else’s feelings will inevitably lead to my own getting trampled on.

I sigh, slowly letting out all my disappointment as I exhale. “Well, the world is going to have to wait a few more weeks for me. Everything is taking a backseat until Corey and I are done with this project.”

“Whatever.” With another groan and an eye roll, she pulls me in for a quick hug. “You do you. I’m going to the mall with Derek, so I’ll see you later.”

“At the library?” I ask.

She quickly looks around to make sure no one heard that. “Yes,” she spits out, shooting daggers at me with her eyes as she lowers her voice to a whisper. “At the library.”

“Okay, then. See you at thelibrary.”

“Why do you insist on doing that?” Her resting bitch face is now on full display. “I swear sometimes you’re worse than Zayn.”

“You know, you can’t keep shielding the world from the real you by hiding your books away all the time.”

“Dammit.” She purses her lips and stares me down for a minute. “I guess I deserved that.”

“You did.” I smile because that’s how easy it is for us to reach a resolution.

“Alright. I’ll see you later.”

I watch her disappear from view before I turn and walk in the opposite direction toward the library. The brisk fall air greets me like a splash of cold water. It wakes me up, which is good because I need to focus. The walk to the library isn’t far, but my mind drifts as I sip my iced coffee. Alex’s call is replaying in my head on repeat because I can’t seem to get a read on this guy.

When I first met him yesterday, I thought he was weird. It was even weirder that he was hanging out with Corey because I thought Zayn and I were his only friends. But regardless, I didn’t question it too much. After my playful tease about his name didn’t garner so much as a smile out of him, I thought his lack of social skills was the probable reason he was friends with Corey.

However, in the parking lot, I started feeling a little uneasy. He was kind and helpful at first, but then, out of the blue, hedemandedto follow me home. I thought he was a creep for sure. The type of guy who takes advantage of women in vulnerable situations.

But with just the slightest pushback, he relented. So, I left the gym yesterday thinking that I’d overreacted and inadvertently insulted a guy who was just trying to be nice to me.

And then on the drive home, an odd thought popped into my head. I began to toy with the idea that maybe hediduse the situation to his advantage, but it was just to get my number. He had a valid reason to ask for it, but part of me wants to believe he hadotherintentions.

Now, I know I’ve sworn off men. I’m not interested. I need to focus on my studies. Blah, blah, blah, and all that jazz.

I am also very appreciative that he called to check on me.

But the fact that’sallhe called me for...is the reason I’m currently working myself up into a twisted ball of anxiety. Checking in wasn’t just an excuse to talk to me, and that’s bugging me because I wanted the conversation to last for a little more than a minute.

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