Page 116 of Who's Your Daddy?

“What a disappointment you turned out to be,” I whisper, lightly stroking Ambrose’s back, “I was really hoping you had done some damage, but your mom is still smoking hot. You’re telling me you had nine months, and that’s the worst you could do? Pathetic. She’s even hotter now than she was before. You had one job, Bro.” I sigh, steeling my resolve. “But I’m just gonna ignore it. Not gonna think about it. At all. I’m not falling for her feminine wiles this time. Crazy is the act of doing the same thing and expecting a different result. That’s not me. I’ve learned my lesson, and I won’t be the fool this time around.”

27. Lia

It takes but a squeakfor me to open my eyes. Quick as a flash, I toss off the covers and wade across the hall to the nursery. I’ve been here for exactly a week and can say without a doubt that this is my favorite time of day. Lila, the police officer I met a few months ago, put me in touch with her uncle, Gerald. He owns a little mom-and-pop grocery store, so I was able to secure a job quite quickly this time. And while I’m very grateful to both of them, this new job leaves me with very little time to bond with Ambrose.

I only get to see him for about an hour in the morning before I leave for work and maybe two to three hours in the evening when I get home. There’s so much time I need to make up for that those few hours seem insufficient. But I’m not complaining. I treasure every moment I have with him because I know how lucky I am to even have it. When I came back, I knew I’d be walking into a lion’s den. I didn’t expect it to be easy, but I wasn’t expecting Peter to be this gracious either.

I knew our interactions would be hostile and tense, but I didn’t really know what his reaction would be when he saw me. I wasn’t sure he would even let me see Ambrose. I came back ready and willing to beg to see my son, so I got more than I bargained for when Peter allowed me to spend a few hours playing with him. That was already a shock to the system, but what I never saw coming was him opening his house up to me again.

The last time I was here, he treated me with such contempt that I thought he’d rip my head off if he ever saw me again. And then I left my baby here without even having the balls to ask him in person. I was a total coward, and I thought he’d use that against me to keep me from seeing my son. So, the direction he took surprised the hell out of me.

Never in my wildest dreams did I even imagine that he would ask me to live here again. And while I truly appreciate the offer, I wasn’t keen to accept it. I know he doesn’t want me here. He can barely stand the sight of me. He used to look at me with awe and adoration, and now the perpetual scowl on his face reflects the pure disdain he holds for me.

It's been a rough week, but I take it with a smile because I get to spend time with my baby. I would endure the worst form of torture for him, so I can deal with some scowls and curt comments. I can ignore the constant rejection. And I can live with the pain that now permanently resides within me.

I fully understand why Peter’s been treating me this way, and...I deserve it. But every interaction is starting to feel like someone is driving a scalding hot iron poker straight through my heart. He barely speaks to me. When he does, it’s clipped one-word responses. If I strike up a conversation, he immediately shuts me down. And I’m trying so hard to make amends. I want to prove to him that I never lied about knowing the true paternity of the baby and that I never used him as a substitute, but he refuses to listen to a word I say.

I know too much has happened between us for him to ever forgive me or try to reconcile, but I just want there to be less friction. This is the type of toxicity we were trying to avoid when we were debating if we should have a relationship. We didn’t want our baby living in a hostile environment, yet that’s exactly what we’ve created.

And that’s my fault too. I’m sure they were very happy before I came back. That’s why I decided to counter every frown with a smile and every curt word with a kind one. I refuse to let our issues impact Ambrose in any way. If I need to fake happiness and joy so that he’s happy, then that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to zip up all the pain and loneliness I’ve experienced in the last four months and toss it into the deep recesses of my mind so that I don’t even think about it.

I’ve been given a second chance in life and with my son. There’s a lot to be grateful for, so I need to seize the opportunity and give it my best shot. I need to get my life together so I can get my own place. Peter’s been kind enough to let me stay here, but it’s not a permanent solution. I need to make a home for myself because this doesn’t feel like home anymore. Primarily because I feel like I don’t belong here. Hell, I don’t even feel like I’m wanted here.

My clothes are still in trash bags. I haven’t unpacked them because I don’t want to get too comfortable. I’ve been kicked out on my ass with nowhere to go a few times in the last year. Peter did it when I was thirty-two weeks pregnant with no warning or time to prepare.

I know full well that what I did was wrong, but given the circumstances and my very large belly at the time, he could have told me he wanted me gone by the end of the week. He could’ve even told me I had to be out by morning. But no. He told me to leave that same night even after I said that I had no place to go, so I don’t doubt for a second that he could do that to me again. And if he decides to toss me out on the street again, at least I’m already packed.

I also have a plan in place to start saving as soon as I get my first paycheck. I’ve made a conscious choice to never become reliant on any man again. If I want stability, I need to create that for myself. I have a job now, so I’m going to do just that. The pay isn’t great, but it’s not bad either. I’m going to make this work. I have no choice but to make this work. Life is giving me a beating. It’s whooping my ass, pummeling me into the ground. The scoreboard currently stands at:

Life: 89 522 369

Lia...3.

Giving birth to Ambrose earned me another point, but then life hit me with a right hook. And I stumbled, but now it’s time for me to come back swinging.

Part of this comeback strategy is rebuilding bridges with people I care about. I sent a groveling apology to Tori and Shontelle two nights ago, acknowledging that I’ve been a horrible friend and promising to do better. Shontelle responded as I predicted. She called me an emotionally castrated asshole, then followed it up with a heart emoji. Tori called me back, and we spent an hour on the phone.

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