Page 102 of Who's Your Daddy?

I grab my phone and try for the fifteenth millionth time to get hold of her. She blocked me, so it doesn’t even ring. The second I hear the busy tone, my phone goes flying across the kitchen, shattering into a thousand pieces when it slams into the opposite wall.

This guilt and helplessness keep gnawing at me. It’s fucking relentless. Day in and day out, nagging at the back of my mind, and I can’t take it anymore.

For the sake of my own sanity, I’m just going to believe that she went back to her ex and I’m going to make a nice, comfortable home in the toxic cesspit of jealousy because at this point, anything is better than this shit.

22. Lia

“I’m so stupid!” I whisper-shout into the empty room.

It took me almost an hour and a half to get him down for a nap, so even though I want to scream in frustration, I keep my voice as low as possible.

I grab the baby clothes that Stella gave me and stuff them into a small backpack. I have to leave. I can’t stay here. It’s too risky. But where do I go? And how do I keep my baby safe in the process? He’s so precious. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

This is all my fault. I poked a sleeping bear, and now he’s awake and angry and ready to attack. See, this is why I can’t be trusted to make important decisions, because if there’s even the slightest potential to mess things up and make matters worse, that’s what I’ll end up doing.

I never should’ve contacted Teddy, but even with hindsight, I don’t know what other choice I had. My time here is running out. I need to find a job. I didn’t know what else to do than to reach out to the father of my baby and ask for some help. But the whole thing backfired and blew up in my face. And now I’m in a worse position than I was just two days ago.

I grab the rest of my belongings and shove them into my bag as well. I look down at my baby boy sleeping peacefully. He doesn’t have a clue what’s going on. All he knows is me and this place, and now everything around him is going to change. He won’t understand.

I lay down on the bed beside him, gently stroking his hair. Stress and panic have forced me to be strong, but knowing what’s going to happen, what I’m about to do, makes it impossible to keep it together.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, tears spilling from my eyes. “I tried...I tried to do my best for you, but it’s not enough. I need to go away for a while.” I completely break down, my words cracking and squeaking as they come out. “But I promise...I promise I’m gonna come back for you. It’s just for a few weeks.” I wipe the tears off my cheeks and kiss his forehead. “It’s tearing me to pieces inside knowing that I won’t be cuddling with you tonight...and I won’t see you tomorrow...or the next day. But I’ll be back before you know it, so don’t forget about me, okay? And don’t forget that mommy loves you. I’m not leaving you...I just got into some trouble, and as soon as this all blows over, I’ll come get you...You are the most precious thing to me, so I need you to be safe. You can’t bear the brunt of something stupidIdid. You understand that, right?”

I know he doesn’t, but this is something I have to do. And I’m just praying that for once in my life, I’m making the right decision.

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