Page 64 of Who's Your Daddy?

“I’ll rip his fucking head off.”

I shut my eyes when I realize just how fast that reaction burst out of me. I had no time to check myself. When I open them again, both these assholes are doubled over, killing themselves.

“Bit of a double standard there,” Scott wheezes between spurts of laughter.

“Just put a ring on it.”

It’s official. I hate both of them.

Dylan taps his phone a few times and Beyonce’sSingle Ladiescomes blaring through the speakers. He starts dancing and singing along. Other people on the beach turn to see what all the commotion is about. As Dylan has demonstrated many times before, he doesn’t care about making a spectacle of himself in public, so he just ignores all the gaping and looks of confusion.

“What if we just send him on an errand one day, and while he’s gone, we move...far away?” I look over at Scott, who’s still chuckling with amusement as he clicks another set of deck boards together. “No warning. No forwarding address. We just pack up and leave. He’ll never find us, Scott.”

“I live with the eternal hope that one day...we’re gonna find a use for him.”

Dylan drops down in the sand beside me when the song ends and throws his arm around me. “For real, though? What’s stopping you? She likes you. You’re crazy about her. You’re already ready and willing to do all the hard stuff that comes with a relationship. Why not enjoy the good stuff too? Just take the plunge, go the whole nine yards, and do this properly. I’m not saying marry her, but go all in.”

“Dyl, we barely know each other. What if we try this and it goes sour? What do we do? I don’t want to bring a kid into the mix and there’s this bitterness between us. He’s innocent in all of this. It’ll be so unfair to bring him into a toxic environment. Besides, she...” I shrug, bracing myself to admit the truth. “She doesn’t want a guy like me. She wants a decent, faithful guy. Her parents and romance novels sold her some delusional fantasy about everlasting love, so she wants a walking, talking fairy tale who’s gonna be this upstanding husband and incredible father. I’m not that guy.”

“But you could be,” is his simple solution to the problem. “You didn’t say she didn’t wantyou. You said she didn’t want a guylikeyou, so just don’t be...you.”

“Wow. My entire existence has been reduced to a mere character flaw. And you think I can just change that on a whim?”

“You know what I mean. Be a better you. Be a different you. Be the upstanding, faithful guy she’s looking for.”

“Do you even understand what you’re suggesting?” I ask with contempt. “That means I’ll have to give up every other hot chick for therestof my life.”

“Pete, you’ve already done that.” He slots another piece into place before hammering the side to secure it. “You did that as soon as you asked her to move in with you.”

“No.” I shake my head. “No, I didn’t want any of this. I didn’t want a relationship. Ineverwanted kids, and now all of this is happening so fast, and I have to change my whole life. I’m trying to do the right thing for this kid, but I can’t...I can’talsocommit to this relationship. It’s too much pressure and responsibility. I don’t have a choice with the baby. I have to step up, but I can’t do the same with Lia. It’s too risky.” It sounds like I’m freaking out again...because I am. “What if I mess up? What if I falter? What if I’m out one night and I end up falling into temptation and cheating on her? Or worse. What if the opposite happens? What if...what if I give up the single life, make all the sacrifices, do everything right, put all I got into this...and I still can’t make her happy?”

Scott has been a silent observer this whole time, but he finally pipes up. “Pete, a lot of people are under the misconception that relationships are supposed to make you happy. But that’s not how it works. You’re supposed to be happy by yourself. As an individual. And then you bring that happinesstothe relationship. You don’t take the happinessfromit. I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs with Cat, and I can tell you it's not always smiles and roses. Sometimes it’s mundane. Sometimes it’s a slow burn. Sometimes you hurt each other, and it’s pure fucking misery. But that’s how it’s supposed to be. Happiness fills in the spaces between all those moments. You can’t spendyearswith a person and be deliriously happyallthe time. And you shouldn’t be responsible for someone else’s happiness. You’ll drive yourself insane, so that should never be your aim.”

“He’s right,” Dylan agrees. “Our vows don’t say in happiness and...happiness. It says sickness and health, richer or poorer. It’s not just about the good times. You vow to go through all that shit together, and I can guarantee there’ll be days where you don’t like her, and she doesn’t like you. Commitment isn’t about happiness, and it isn’t about whether you like that person on the day. When you commit to someone, you’re committing to working it outeverytime. Whether you’re happy or not. Whether you like her or not. You work through the pain, the anger, the tears, her going level nine crazy and fucking up your car, whatever she throws at you. You commit to going throughallthat with her. Every. Single. Time. And I hate to break it to you, Pete, but with a baby on the way, you made that commitment the second you told her to move in with you.”

“Ididn’tcommit,” I argue. “Did you not hear what I said? I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

“Pete, I want you to think about your actions. You own twelve apartment buildings, three of which are in the same complex as your house, literally within walking distance. You could have set her up in any of them, taken care of all your responsibilities when it comes to the baby, with both of you continuing to live your separate lives. But you asked her to move in withyou. Why is that?”

I’m done. I don’t want to hear anymore. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s too much confusion, and I’ll work through it later.

“You know what? Why don’t we talk about the commitment that we’re actually here for?” I turn to Scott. “I can’t believe you’re getting married tomorrow. Who gets married on a Wednesday?”

“That’s Cat’s idea. She wanted to get married today, but I convinced her to be more rational. I also wanted to do this for her...” He gestures to the deck. “...and it takes time to put all this together, so we moved it to tomorrow.”

That does the trick and diverts the conversation away from Lia and back to Scott and his happy day. That’s where our attention needs to be. He and Cat have wanted this for so long, and nothing should take away from that.

I leave to pick up Lia before the job is fully done, but it’s just the finishing touches. The drive back feels like hours. I have so many thoughts plaguing me. The conversation I had with Scott and Dylan replays over and over again in my head.

I don’t know how that discussion warped my mind, but Lia looks different when she slides into the passenger seat of my car. Is that her seat now? Is no other woman going to sit in that seat? Likeever? Did I unconsciously commit to her when I asked her to move in? What if she never moves out? What if we end up living together for the entire duration of our baby’s childhood? Is she the person I’m going to share my house with? My life with? Indefinitely? There’s permanence in these questions, and I don’t know how to answer them.

But as I watch her clip on her seatbelt, I come to one conclusive answer. Just one. She takes full ownership of that seat. To the point where I can’t even picture anyone else in it.

“Hi,” she greets when the silence stretches on for too long.

“Hi.”

She picks up on my mood immediately. “Everything okay?”

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