Page 87 of It Should Have Been Me

I sit down on the edge of the bed and pull the pins out of my hair one by one. He kneels in front of me and starts massaging my feet.

“It’s always the dancing with you,” he teases playfully. “That’s why your feet are so sore.”

I wince when his thumb gently presses against the arch of my foot. “It’s okay, JP. You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s no trouble.” He rotates my ankle, then stretches out my foot. “I had a lot of fun this week. I enjoyed every minute with your family. They are so welcoming. I’m sad that we’re leaving tomorrow. We must make an effort to visit more often.”

That sentence instantly sobers me. How am I going to tell him? He’s so invested in my family, this relationship,me. It’s going to tear him apart. He’s going to hate me as much as I hate myself.

My thoughts come to a screeching halt when his hands move up from my foot and onto my calf. I sense his intention and my spine stiffens in response. His hand travels up my leg and I shut my eyes, trying not to cringe. His touch should feel familiar, yet my body is rejecting every sensation it creates.

Slowly, he rises off the floor, his lips gently landing on my cheek. “I missed you so much. I loved staying with your parents, but I couldn’t wait to get you alone.”

Soft kisses travel down my neck and my body becomes as rigid as a board. “I’m really tired, Bon-bon,” I mutter shakily. “I’m just not in the mood tonight.”

“I’m sure I can change that.”

It feels like my skin is crawling when his tongue circles the tender spot at the base of my throat, and it’s not because I’m repulsed by him. I’m repulsed by me, and him touching me, kissing me – it just doesn’t feel right. “JP...I...” I whisper, my voice trembling. My mind is scrambling for another excuse, anything to get me out of this situation. His lips move back to my neck, sweet and tender like he always is, and I have to shut my eyes to stop tears from escaping.

“JP...”

“Tell me what you want,ma cherie. The night is ours, and I want to make up for all the kisses we lost over the last two weeks.”

“I...uh...I...”

“Yes.”

His body weight gets heavier, and I place my hand on his chest to stop him from pushing me back against the bed. His mouth moves at a glacial pace across my jawbone and onto my cheek.

“I slept with Scott.”

Time stops. He freezes. I have no idea how long it takes before either of us draws breath again.

He slowly pulls back, hurt and betrayal etched on his features. “What?”

I feel no need to repeat it. I know he heard me, and I can’t bear to put him through hearing it a second time. “I’m sorry.” The tears I’ve been keeping at bay since he arrived splutter ungraciously. “I’m so sorry, JP.”

“Scott?” He backs away from me, his fingers plunging into his hair. “I thought you were just friends.”

“No.” I shake my head. “Scott...Scott is my ex...fiancé.”

“Fiancé?” He chokes on the word. His eyebrows crease and his eyes zone in on me, looking like he doesn’t know who I am anymore. He stumbles back a few steps, leaning against the wall for support as he tries to absorb the shock. The light fades from his eyes. They used to glimmer with affection for me, twinkle with the love he had, and it breaks my heart as I watch how that flame slowly dies. “Fiancé, Catalina? How could you not tell me? You didn’t think that was something I needed to know?”

“You told me...you said you didn’t want to know about my past...or the man who broke my heart, remember?”

“And the fact that he was the best man at your sister’s wedding didn’t make you reconsider that decision? You still didn’t think that maybe it was something worth breaking the rules for?” By the change in his expression, I can tell that the events of the last few days begin to play on his mind. “The two of you sat there, talking to me like nothing happened. How could you betray me like that? Make me a fool in front of all your friends?”

“Nobody thinks you’re a fool.”

His face hardens instantly. “Don’t,” he warns. “Don’t even try to make it seem less bad than it is. Why didn’t you just tell me when I got here instead of humiliating me like that?”

“I wasn’t trying to humiliate you. I would never do that.”

“You were dancing with him tonight...in front of everyone, in front ofme! You don’t think that’s humiliating? That’s rubbing the betrayal in my face!”

“I’m sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you.”

“Like it wasn’t your intention to sleep with him? I trusted you. Every time I called, and you were with him...” The betrayal seems to sink in further and he looks at me like he’s utterly repulsed. “I didn’t think anything of it because I trusted you. And I thought you loved me. And I didn’t know he was your fiancé!”

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