Page 74 of It Should Have Been Me

The weight of my bad decisions comes crashing down on me. I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt JP. But now it seems like an inevitability. I shouldn’t have kissed Scott last night because he’s right in what he’s saying. He felt what I felt. Last night, he kissed me like only he can. He kissed me like he wanted to draw me into him, make me a part of him. Time stood still, and we got lost in the infinite microseconds. The moment dilated and expanded, consuming both of us into a static vacuum where only he and I existed. And it was in that moment that the feeling I’d been trying to squash erupted inside of me with powerful intensity. I felt it spreading through my body. I felt it captivate my soul. I felt it in every beat of my heart. And I couldn’tnotacknowledge it anymore. I do love him. I never stopped loving him.

But now I’m stuck at a crossroads, and I don’t know what to do. Scott is my past. I have a very different future planned out, and that kiss has now tangled me in a web I can’t get out of. His sapphire eyes stay locked on mine, waiting for an answer that I don’t have.

“Scott, I...I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to tell me what’s happening between us.”

“N-nothing.”

“Nothing!” He steps back as if I’ve slapped him, rubbing a hand over his head as he paces up and down the sidewalk. If he wasn’t angry before, he’s definitely angry now. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? Cat, last week you told me that you were still going to leave. You told me that I shouldn’t have any expectations...so I didn’t. We had sex, you left my apartment, and I thought that was the end of it. I was fine with that. But then you came over to my place the next day, you texted me all weekend, and then you were right back at my apartment on Monday morning. And again yesterday. You’re cooking in my kitchen. You’re eating on my rooftop. You’re just...hanging out with meallthe time. You’re creeping back into my life, Cat! A life you said you didn’t want. You did all that knowing that I’m still in love with you. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you kissed me last night. And then when I call you out on this bullshit, you tell me nothing is going on between us. What am I supposed to make of that then? How am I supposed to interpret what you did last night?”

Hurt and exasperation thicken his voice and I feel like everything is collapsing inside me. “Scott, you know what my situation is, and I don’t want to complicate things more than?”

“I’m very aware of your situation, Catalina. It’s you who keeps complicating things. If you wanted to keep things simple, why did you come to my place yesterday? Why did you spend the night with me? Why the fuck did you kiss me?”

“What?!”

My sister’s surprised shriek causes both our heads to snap in the direction of her voice. She’s standing at the front of the SUV with her arms crossed, impatiently thrumming her fingers on her arm. Dylan is right behind her, staring at Scott like he’s about to murder him.

“Please tell me that I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.”

Scott’s jaw is tight when he replies. “No, you heard right.”

“So, Cat kissed you? And you kissed her? You kissed...each other?”

His eyes shift to meet Isa’s furious scowl. “It was completely platonic...just a casual kiss between friends. Nothing to worry about.”

“Oh, wow! That’s great! I mean, as long as her boyfriend knows about this casual hookup, there’s no problem. If he’s fine with it, then I’m totally fine with it. Does he know?”

The level of sarcasm is an indication of how mad she is. I’m afraid to answer, so Scott takes this one too. “He’s not aware, no.”

“I didn’t think so, seeing that this happened last night. You know, my boss let me leave right after my show this morning and I thought I could spend some quality time with my mother and sister, and instead, I come home to this crap.” She shuts her eyes, rubbing her temples as she tries to compose herself. “At least it was just one kiss, so we can all just pretend it never happened and move along.”

Scott and I exchange a glance and even though we do it very discreetly, it doesn’t escape my sister’s razor-sharp eyes.

“Wait. What was that look? This was just one kiss, right?”

“Well, would you look at the time?” Scott is still angry. I can see it in his body language, but he puts on his chirpiest voice because he’s trying to avoid this confrontation at all costs. “Listen, I’d love to stay and chat, but I have so much shit to do, so I’d better get going. I think—”

This sets Isabella off instantly. “I swear to God, Scott, I will fucking cut you.”

“Ah, there’s no need for that, Isa.” He smiles at me, but it’s tight and forced, not the way he smiled at me just twenty-four hours ago. “The one your sister left me with is deep enough.”

His response lets Isa know that it’s worse than she thought, and she releases a slow breath. “Give it to me straight. How bad is the problem?”

“We crossed a lot of lines,” is Scott’s swift reply.

The look she gives us is betrayal mixed with pure disappointment. “I can’t believe you guys would do that to us. Right before our wedding! Do you realize that Dylan only got divorced eighteen months ago? The amount of gossip and scandalous stories floating between our families is already ridiculous. We didn’t need any more drama. If JP finds out, if anyone finds out, it will be all people gossip about. They’ll remember the scandal more than the actual wedding.”

I swallow my bile and shame and rush to reassure her. “There won’t be a scandal, okay? JP’s art exhibition is today, so he should be back in Paris. I’m gonna call him later and explain everything.” Just thinking about what that’s going to do to him pushes me to the point of a panic attack. “I’ll fix this. JP won’t fly over and there won’t be any drama at the wedding. I’m so sorry, Isa. All this is my fault, and I’ll make sure?” I’m silenced when a car drives past us and turns into the driveway. “Why is Keith home from work so early?”

We watch as Keith parks, and Dylan waves to him when he gets out of the car. “Hey, Keith.”

“Hey! Looks like the gang’s all here.” His eyes move to me and he gives me a playful wink. “I have a surprise for you.”

He opens up the back door and my heart stops. My blood runs cold and I can’t feel my legs. I hear the change in Scott’s breathing behind me, ragged and unsteady. When I turn back to look at him, his face is ashen, as white as snow.

He steps out of the car and gives me the widest smile. “Ma cherie...the face I’ve been dying to see.”

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