Page 64 of It Should Have Been Me

“Ah, baby, I used to have you up on a pedestal.” A shallow breath of utmost disappointment is released, and he’s so disgusted he can’t even look at me. “And your fall from grace is just pitiful...and sad. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Scott. I was going through a thing—”

“A lot of people go through a thing.” He shifts onto his side, propping up on his elbow and resting his head on his hand. He feels it’s necessary for me to see the condescension on his face. “Iwent through a thing. You don’t see me acting irrationally and developing unhealthy habits.”

“Yes, of course. Watching kids fall down is a much better coping mechanism.”

“You should try it. It will change your life.” He shakes his head, still trying to come to grips with this revelation. “And it’s still better than fuckingSharknado. You’re so much better than what you have become. Jeffrey Dahmer would turn in his grave if he had to see you now.”

“This is getting kinda personal, and I want you to know that you just hit me where it hurts.”

“That was the intention.” He gently brushes my hair off my forehead. “At least you’re still pretty.”

“We must always be thankful for small miracles.”

“So pretty.” He rolls on top of me, bracing himself on his forearms. “Hey, can I...can I kiss you?”

I wait for a beat before I answer. “What happened tothis will be the last time?”

“Yeah.” That shy grin curves on his lips, the one that makes my heart flutter. “I know what I said. This kiss isn’t going to lead to sex. It’s going to be devoid of any kind of lust. I just want to feel your lips...one last time. Just one kiss. I promise I won’t go further than that.” His body tenses above me, almost like he’s expecting rejection. He’s so nervous it makes me nervous, too. It makes me feel like I’m about to kiss him for the first time...or maybe the second, because our second kiss felt almost exactly like this. “Say yes,” he whispers.

I hesitate only for a second. “Yes.”

His lips brush against mine, slowly, sensually, but it’s only when his tongue ventures into my mouth that I feel the true intimacy of it. When a kiss is stripped of lust, other things have to be thrown in to replace it. Things like affection and tenderness. Things like appreciation and yearning. I feel all of it in his kiss. The longer it goes on, the more I get sucked into it. The longer his mouth massages mine, the more I see it for what it is. It’s a trip, a shove, a rug pulled from underneath me. I’m not sure how to describe it. I know it’s unintentional, but that kiss was designed to make me lose my footing. This man is a stumbling block on my path to a future that I’ve already mapped out, a future without him. And I can’t, I absolutely cannot fall for Scott Carter. Not again.

I keep kissing him, though, because I can’t stop.It’s fine, I assure myself. I’m a hundred percent certain that I can catch myself before I hit the ground. His hand moves to my neck, tilting my head up so he can deepen the kiss, and I just melt into him, moaning as the velvety feel of his tongue languidly caresses the inside of my mouth. Okay, after factoring in some very realistic probabilities, I’m now eighty percent certain...Oh, God, his lips are a taste of heaven...seventy-five...seventy...Fuck it! I was never good at math, anyway.

13. Scott

The harsh bounce ofmy mattress as someone dive-bombs onto my bed yanks me out of my sleep.

“Rise and shine, Soldier,” she sings chirpily. “A new day awaits.”

“Cat?” I can barely open my eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought we could go for a run.”

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