Page 41 of It Should Have Been Me

“So, if it’s not me...then I’m going to take a wild guess and say...it’s Justin and Selena’s break up.”

“No!” Peter’s mouth drops open. “Dyl, please tell me that’s not true.”

“Pete, it hurts me to this day,” he replies, pulling his lips in to stop a laugh. “A part of me still wishes that they’d get back together.”

“How are we friends with this guy?” Peter looks over at Scott, who just shakes his head and sighs his disappointment.

“Fuck if I know, Pete.”

We have another shot, and Tommy continues with the game. I’m a little tipsy when the limo comes to a stop. We file out one by one, and Scott waits at the door, holding out his hand to assist me. The weird thing is I was reaching for his hand before I saw him outside the door, almost like my brain already assumed he’d be standing there because that’s just the type of guy he is.

He keeps lascivious eyes on me as I adjust my skirt, but doesn’t say anything as we walk toward the entrance of the club.Gritis not the type of club you’d expect rich, preppy guys like Scott and Peter to come to, but Isa loves this place because the music is sort of raunchy and so is the vibe. It has a sex club feel to it. Ominous red lighting casts shadows over the bare concrete walls, reminding me of the red-light district in Amsterdam. It sort of has the same smutty atmosphere, too. We pass the VIP section and catch a glimpse of men in suits getting private lap dances.

“Wow!” Peter says, throwing his arm over Scott’s shoulder. “Did you see some of the women here tonight? Why don’t we get some drinks, then see if we can get into that VIP section? I need to see some tits tonight because Dylan doesn’t know what a proper bachelor party is supposed to be like.”

Scott chuckles. “Yeah, maybe later.”

The thought of Scott hooking up with another woman tonight hadn’t even crossed my mind, but now that I’m aware of the possibility, I feel strangely uncomfortable. It’s that stupid juvenile jealousy again, and I quickly remind myself that he’s a single man who can do whatever he likes.

We head straight to the bar and get more tequila. I know that mixing alcohol is bad, but I chase it with a caramel vodka to take away the bitterness. It doesn’t take long to start feeling the effects of that. My face heats up and my body begins to buzz. The DJ seems to know the inner workings of my being because he’s playing music that gets my feet moving.

Isa yells her excitement when she hears a familiar beat blaring through the speakers. “That’s my song!” She grabs Dylan and drags him to the dance floor.

Peter orders another round, and I raise my hand to stop him. “No, no. I think I’ve reached my limit for the night.”

“Relax, Stiff.” Scott nudges my arm with his. “Surely, you can let your hair down for one night.”

He challenges me with his eyes, and I narrow mine in defiance. He smiles when I give in and have another drink.

“C’mon, Stiff.” Scott downs his shot of tequila, rids the burn by sucking on a slice of lime, then takes my hand and twirls me around. “Let’s let those hips out the cage.”

That statement was another indirect dig at JP...and me too, I guess. But I don’t care. It’s been a good few months since I’ve been out partying, and I want to let loose and have fun and not worry about being...proper or well-behaved.

Time has not changed a thing. I realize this the second we get to the middle of the dance floor. Scott twirls me once and our bodies synchronize almost instantly. Our feet move in unison, hips swaying in the same rhythm. He’s still so smooth, pulling my arm around his neck before his fingertips trail a path down my sides to my hips.

The beat has us hooked, and his hands stay on my hips as they shake and wind to the music. Spinning me around, my back hits his chest and his big hand slides across my stomach, pulling me closer until I’m flush against him. Wasn’t I just telling him this morning that he should stop touching me? And look at me now. I’ll dissect the intricate layers of my hypocrisy tomorrow. Right now, I’m enjoying myself too much to care.

I’ve always loved dancing with him. He’s energy and fun personified. It’s so easy to get lost in the moment and let the world fade into the background. There’s nothing but me, him, and the music. We dance for a few more songs before my sister calls me with her forefinger to join her on one of the tables.

She is freaking raucous tonight. I’m probably just as bad. I mean, I’m sort of twerking on a table, shouting out the lyrics of every song. I don’t know where Tommy found glow sticks, but his shirt is undone, and his skin is lit up in neon green and pink. The alcohol starts to wear off, so Isa and I head back to the bar to get more shots.

“I’m having so much fun!” she shouts to be heard over the music.

“Me too. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a club.”

The bartender slides two tequilas to us, and after knocking them back, Isa orders another two. “You and Scott seem to be getting along just fine. I was honestly expecting some awkwardness between the two of you, and it makes me so happy to see that you guys are mature enough to not let the past affect you. Dylan and I were very hostile toward each other after our breakup, so it’s refreshing to see that both of you are still able to enjoy each other’s company. I’m so glad that my wedding won’t be uncomfortable for you.” She pulls me in for a tight hug, and she is just beaming with excitement. “It’s going to be a perfect day...I can’t wait to marry that dork.” She giggles, her eyes zoning in on him through the crowd. “Just look at him. He’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’m going to ride the shit out of him tonight, so if you see us disappear in about two hours, don’t come looking for us. You’ll only see me again tomorrow afternoon. I’ll come over to mom’s house when my legs start working again.”

She says this as I’m about to swallow my next shot and the liquid burns as it comes up my throat again with my laughter. That second one brings back my inebriated contentment. “Well, at least one of us is getting lucky tonight.”

“I’m sure you can’t wait for JP to get here so you can get a good dicking.”

I giggle but choose not to tell her that JP and I haven’t had sex in over a month. It’s only going to lead to questions I don’t want to answer.

I plaster on my most believable smile. “I can’t wait to see him again.”

And I’m not lying. I miss JP and I want to see him. I’m just in a weird place right now, stuck in a time warp where my old life is merging with my new one. It’s messing with my head, but worse than that, it’s messing with my feelings. I’m hoping that seeing JP again will bring my mind back to where it’s supposed to be. The displacement of all my thoughts about JP when I’m around Scott is becoming a problem.

This is confirmed when we return to the dance floor and Scott’s arms instantly loop around me again. My hands move up and around his neck as we dance, and I catch myself staring at him. He’s gorgeous. I’m forcing myself not to think about how amazing it all feels, everything, this whole night. Dancing with him again, being in his arms – it’s the reason why I’m trapped in this warp. It’s like I’m on an ocean of time, stuck in the past on a little lifeboat, struggling to paddle my way back to the present. It’s overwhelming, yet I still feel so...alive, so happy.

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