Page 16 of It Should Have Been Me

I let out a short laugh. “Uh...no, he’s like that in person, too.”

“Really? That doesn’t seem...” She pauses, uncertain if she should say what she wants out loud. “He doesn’t...I mean...that doesn’t seem like a quality you’d ordinarily be attracted to.”

“Yeah, I guess, but we complement each other in a lot of ways. We just...we have a dynamic that works. He’s an amazing guy and I love the fact that we are so different in so many ways, yet we have the same interests, but I have to admit...he’s tamed me a bit. I’m not so...rough around the edges anymore.”

“Yeah, I can see that about him. He seems quiet and reserved, but still an extrovert.”

“That is the perfect way to describe him. He loves the outdoors.” I whip out my phone again, showing her pictures of JP and I with an accompanying story for each one. “So, this is the igloo we stayed in. It wassocold but...” I skip a few pictures until I get to one that shows the northern lights. “Look at the sky. That’s what we fell asleep under.”

“Wow! Did I tell you that I’m jealous? I completely understand why you didn’t come home for two years...and why you probably have no intention of ever moving back here.”

“None whatsoever. Isa, once you see what’s out there, you can’t come back to this.”

She gives me a sad smile. “I know. I just miss you. Chatting through a screen is not the same as having you here, and I’m so glad you came early just for me.”

“Anything for my baby sister.” I pull her in for a tight hug. “Now, about this wedding...it all feels very rushed. You and Dylan only got back together in April and now it’s July and you’re already getting married. You’re very impulsive. And he is too, so I just want to make sure?”

“Cat,” she cuts in, “I’ve already had this talk with mom and Keith. I’m sure. The thing is, no one understands me and Dylan except me and Dylan. I had to learn how he loves and how he wants to be loved. It took some intense therapy to learn that about him because he’s volatile and all over the place, but in the center of all that chaos is this man who loves me for everything I am with all my flaws and bad habits. He just wants me to love him the same way...and I do. It tookyearsfor us to figure that out, so we are definitely not rushing into this.”

“Okay,” I say, feeling slightly more at ease. “As long as you are happy, I’m happy.”

“I am,” she assures me. “And...are you sure you’re okay with...Dipshit? I don’t want you to feel weird at the wedding. It’s my big day and?”

“I’m fine with Scott,” I reply with a nod. “My plan is to avoid him until the wedding, and it seems like he wants to do the same.”

I omit everything he told me at his apartment. I don’t know what to do with that and I don’t expect her to know either, so I’m just going to pretend like he never said it. Scott dragged me back a few years today. That’s not where I want to be, so I’m going to wrap up all these emotions that have been scampering around since I left his apartment and toss them into the deep crevices at the back of my mind, the same place I’ve buried every other memory of Scott Carter.

5. Scott

My feet pound on thetreadmill in a steady rhythm. Sweat drips from my face and down my neck, soaking the collar of my T-shirt. I press a button to increase the speed and inclination and go harder. My muscles are burning. My lungs feel like they’re deprived of oxygen. But all I do is go faster.

She didn’t tell him about me. Three fucking years, and she didn’t think it was something worth mentioning to herboyfriend. Well, technically, it was four and a half years, but I don’t count past the point that she left because I lost her the second she got onto that plane. She started staying away longer and longer, and eventually, we both had to accept the truth. We wanted different things, and it just wasn’t going to work out. I can still recall our conversation like it was yesterday.

“Cat, you said you’d be coming home this weekend.”

“I know, but there was another delay, and I only got the additional materials this week—”

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