Page 49 of It Should Have Been Me

I feel it. My eyes shut. My body stiffens. “I’m coming.”

With a staggering groan, I spill over inside her, my hands squeezing her ass. I’m barely cognizant of the increased pitch of her moans. I’m only aware that she orgasmed when she collapses against my chest.

Her breathing hasn’t even slowed when she lifts off me and walks to the bathroom to shower. When I manage to pull myself together, I silently walk in and hang her clothes on the towel rail. She emerges ten minutes later, staring me down with cold indifference. It’s the polar opposite of the heat I saw flickering in her eyes just a few minutes ago, and I’m having none of that. Nope. We’re not playing that game today. She can slap me. She can call me names. And when she hops on a plane in two weeks, she can leave here absolutely loathing me. But she willnotshut me out. I have spent too much time on the other side of a wall with this woman. No way in hell is she exiling me again.

“I’ll see you at the wedding,” she says, heading to the elevator.

I grip the waistband of her denim shorts, yanking her toward me as I slowly slip my spare key into her pocket. I keep my hand there for longer than necessary, ensuring she knows that she’s letting me touch her. “Just in case you want to stop by before then.” I smirk and her temper flares again. “The code is my birthday.”

Evidence of our night together is still all over my kitchen floor. Knives and bananas are scattered everywhere. Casually tiptoeing over the mess and her ripped panties, she sighs her aggravation as she steps into the elevator. “Goodbye, Scott.”

I place my hands on either side of the elevator doors to keep them open. “Hang on. You forgot something.”

“What?”

With one hand, I grasp the back of her neck and bring her lips to mine. For a few short seconds, she forgets that this was supposed to be the end of us and kisses me back. She quickly breaks away, looking irritated at herself.

“Hey,” I say, running my forefinger across her chin. “I love you.”

Surprise widens her eyes, but then she quickly looks away as if the words hurt her. They hurt me, too. “I can’t see you again, Scott.”

“So you keep saying.” I step out of the elevator. “Now, when you get home, don’t forget to call your boyfriend. He’s probably worried sick.” I wink at her just to infuriate her. In all honesty, it infuriates me more.

She sneers. “Asshole,” she mutters under her breath as the elevator doors close in front of me.

I smile. Well, that’s better than indifference.

10. Catalina

What the hell haveI done? How many times did I do it? The questions circulate in my mind as I pay the Uber driver and get out of the car. I’m filled with apprehension as I walk down the narrow pathway and up the porch steps. I don’t know what awaits me on the other side of this door. I just spent the night at my ex-fiancé’s place. I don’t know what I’m going to tell my family and, more importantly, what the hell am I going to tell JP?

Fuck Scott!

Ugh! I already did, didn’t I? My anger is misdirected because this is not all on him. I’m just as much to blame for what happened. How could I have let this happen? After Cameron, I swore to myself that I would never be a cheat. I didn’t want to ever hurt another person that way and, at the smallest temptation, I caved. In my defense, Scott is not a small temptation. He’s six-feet-two-inches of irresistible temptation, and I clearly couldn’t resist.

Memories of last night flood my mind. Sex with Scott has always been amazing, but last night was just...I can’t even describe it. He’s so rough, a possessive brute, and I’ve always lost myself in the strength of him. I love the way he just takes what he wants, so I...let him. Over and over again. I woke up panicked this afternoon and told him that last night shouldn’t have happened because I so desperately wanted that to be the truth. I lashed out because of my own shame, my pathetic lack of willpower. Guilt is ripping through my insides, but I don’t regret it and that makes the guilt eat at me even more.

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