Page 25 of It Should Have Been Me

“You don’t find that funny? That’s hilarious.”

“Please go to work before I lose the last remnants of respect I have for you.”

He chuckles and ruffles my hair. “Alright, kiddo. I’ll see you later.”

After he grabs his laptop bag and leaves, I phone JP. I tell him that I’m going out with Scott again today because I don’t like hiding things from him. He doesn’t even bat an eyelid about it. JP is not the jealous or possessive type. He’s so laid back and relaxed. Nothing fazes him, but that may be because he doesn’t know who Scott is to me – I mean...wasto me.

I have an internal debate about telling him. He made the rule about not talking about our past relationships. When we first became friends, he knew I wasn’t in a good space because of a bad breakup, and he told me that he didn’t want to be the shoulder to cry on. He said it was the easiest way for a guy to get friend-zoned and he wanted more than that, so we just never spoke about our exes. That rule was easy enough to adhere to when we were a million miles away, but I don’t want JP coming here blind. The fact is, this situation is not conventional. My ex is very close to my family, and it’s something he needs to know regardless of therules.

“So, Bon-bon,” I begin, and I can hear the nervousness in my voice. I don’t think he’ll overreact, but we’ve never spoken about our exes before, so I can’t be sure. “There’s something I need to tell you about Scott. He’s?”

“Sorry, love. I’ve got another call coming in. It’s my mother. Can I take it and call you back in a few minutes?”

“Sure.”

I hang up, then walk upstairs to get ready. I put on a mahogany knitted crochet bikini with shell tassels hanging over my midriff, so it looks like a half-top instead of a bikini. I tug on my denim shorts and slide my feet into flip-flops as I walk into the bathroom. Lifting my hair, I twist it into a messy bun. I check my phone and JP hasn’t called back, so I grab a beach bag and start throwing in everything I need. A towel, a change of clothes, and a few snacks. I’m still packing the containers into the bag when I hear the door open. He still doesn’t knock.

“Cat, you’re here?”

“Where else would I be?” I call back. “I’m in the kitchen.”

“Are you ready to—” He stops when I turn to face him, his wide blue eyes landing on my chest then slowly traveling down my stomach...then my thighs. “Oh my God! What has happened to your body? Holy shit! You’re so...you’re just...you’re so thick now...everywhere.” He covers his eyes with his hand but still peeps through his fingers.

I roll my eyes. In the four and a half years that I dated Scott, these types of appraisals were somewhat of a regular occurrence, and I grew very accustomed to them. Maybe it’s because he was trying to reverse the effects of the name-calling, but he’s always been very vocal about his attraction to me. That clearly hasn’t changed.

“You literally saw me yesterday.”

“Not like this.” He drops his hand from his face. “It’s like your ass and thighs have doubled in size...in a good way...in thebestway. How are you plump and toned at the same time? It’s like you work out, but you still eat cake. It’s so confusing for my brain. And this area...” He gestures to my upper half without touching me. “...is so juicy. Honestly, Cat, your tits are their own entities now. They deserve their own names.”

My face lets him know how much I hate that idea. “No.”

“Let’s give them porn star names. Like...Starla and Carla.”

“I could not think of anything worse if I tried.”

“And the three of us could have amenage trois. You could join if you want.”

“I’ll pass, thanks.” I let out a little humph of impatience. “Listen, are we going to go to the beach, or...are you just going to keep gawking at me?”

“I’m good with option two. Yeah, option two works for me.” His eyes take another leisurely stroll up and down my body. Shutting his eyes, he lets out a low groan. “And now I have to be with you for the whole fucking day...and you’re looking like this.”

“You need a minute?”

A naughty grin curves on his lips. “I need three.”

I know exactly what he means by that. It’s always been an inside joke between us and the intention behind that statement leaves me feeling...flustered. Images rapidly flash through my mind. His hands on my body. His lips on my neck. Oh, the things he could do to me in three minutes.

Those thoughts seem to pull me back into that nostalgic trance, just like they did yesterday and the day before. I’m starting to hate this feeling because my body then reacts to him the way it used to. My face heats up. My thighs clench together to soothe the ache between them. It doesn’t help that his sleeveless T-shirt is showing off his sculpted arms and the curve of his rounded pecs. The cap he’s wearing back to front makes him look cute, with just the right amount of sex appeal. Despite my best efforts, I can’t peel my eyes off him.

This has been relatively playful, but I know he picks up the small changes. That slight elevation in my breathing doesn’t escape him because his smile widens, and he takes a step toward me. He has always read my body language so well. “I caught that.”

“Caught what?” I maintain the distance, inching backward until my butt hits the island counter.

“You know what I’m talking about.” His next step has me flush against the island, and he places each hand on either side of me. “The same thing happened yesterday. You just thought about getting naked with me.”

I try to keep my voice steady when I answer. “You’re fanning your ego again.”

His eyes skim over me and his close proximity only quickens my pulse even more. Never in a million years would I be able to forget Scott or every indescribable moment of pleasure I felt when I was with him, but time and distance have a way of erasing the smaller details. JP is shorter than him and not nearly as broad, so I forgot how intimidating it was to be at the mercy of someone his size. I forgot how dominating and erotic his mere presence was. I forgot about how utterly submissive it felt to have his big body looming over mine...and I’m quite astounded that it took so little to push me to the verge of submission. I’m right on the edge.

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