Page 2 of It Should Have Been Me

He thinks about it and his eyebrows furrow together. “Hmm...I don’t know. I don’t think it’ll work. You never know what the weather will be like. If it’s windy, it’ll be a mess.”

I groan and throw my head back with playful exasperation. “Ugh! Why do you always have to take the logical, practical route? Switch your math brain off and just throw caution to the wind this once.”

“The statistics still don’t look favorable,” he teases. “Besides, did you forget the size of your family? Trying to plan something like that would be a nightmare.”

“I don’t want a massive wedding with my whole family. I want something small and intimate. Just you and me...on a beach. The next phase of my project is in Portugal, and I was thinking...” I trace my finger across his chest. “...maybe we could get married on a beach in Madeira.”

He stiffens and then his features compress into a deep frown. “What do you mean, the next phase? I thought this was thelastphase.”

“It was supposed to be, but they just opened a new branch in Madeira, and you know how corporate branding works. Management wants all their offices to have the same look and feel, so they asked me to do the same mural in the foyer of their new building.”

His jaw tightens, and I know him well enough to know that he’s trying to remain calm. “So, when are you expecting this project to end?”

“Based on the budgets and schedules they gave me...around next year Feb.”

“Next year Feb?” His eyes widen with a mixture of exasperation and surprise. “Cat, this is not what we agreed to. You initially told me one year. One year ended back in June. It’s already November, and when I brought this up the last time, you told me this would all be done by Christmas. Now you’re telling me next year Feb. This is becoming frustrating.”

“I know.” I run my hand over his chest to soothe him. “I know, and I’m sorry, but this client is changing everything for me. I’m getting more recognition, more exposure, more experience. They’re putting me in contact with the right people who can help me further my career. I can’t just give up on this project at this stage. This is an opportunity of a lifetime, and I just want to give it my all. And I don’t want to rush it because I have so much pressure on me, and I’m so scared I’m gonna screw it all up.”

“You’re not going to screw it up.” The stress on my face makes him relent almost immediately, and he pulls me into his arms. “You’re doing amazing things, Cat, and I’m so proud of all your accomplishments. I support you, and I want you to succeed, but I can’t help but feel...” He lets out a deflated sigh. “Sometimes I feel like you’ve outgrown this relationship and...and every time you leave, I feel like I get one step closer to you...not coming back.”

“No, Scott.” I shift, pulling him closer and wrapping my arms tightly around him. “That will never happen. I love you, and I want us to get married, and I want to wake up next to you every morning.” I snuggle against his chest and smile at him. “Now, kids and the SUV and the orderly suburban life might be a stretch too far at this point, but you? I don’t ever want a life without you.”

We’ve spoken about kids enough times for him to know that I only want to start a family way, waaaaaaaayyyyyy in the future, so he simply shrugs off the comment with a smile the same way he always does. Right now, my primary focus is building my career and extracting as much adventure and enjoyment out of life as part of the process.

Scott has been amazing through all of this, and our long-distance relationship hasn’t been easy on either of us. Sometimes, I just randomly start crying because I miss him so much. I want to come home and start building my life with him, but at the same time, I’m not ready for my life in Europe to come to an end. I love these international clients because I get to travel around the world. I want to keep doing that and maybe with the right client base, I could limit my trips to just a few times a year.

I don’t have that client base yet, but I’m building a network and a solid reputation in the industry. Everything will soon start falling into place. I’m on the precipice of something great. I can feel it in my gut, and I’m so excited to explore all these opportunities that have been thrust into my path. I just need a little more time to do that. My dreams and my love life aren’t in alignment at the moment, but they will be. Eventually, I’ll figure out a way to take on these overseas projects withoutpermanentlyliving overseas, and then my life will be perfect.

“Just try to be patient,” I say. “These next few months are going to go by in a flash. You’re gonna drop me off at the airport today and before you know it, it’ll be February, and you’re gonna be right back there to pick me up again. And just for the record, I could never outgrow you. In fact, with every passing year, my love for you only grows deeper. My body may leave Pasadena, but my heart always stays with you, Scott Carter.”

“Okay. I’ll be patient.” With a sad smile, he tightens his grip around me. “Like, you said, February will be here in no time.”

2. Catalina

Present day

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