Page 23 of A Place for Daydreams

Julia dug her trowel into the dirt, stabbing at the root of a dandelion. Overhead, the sky was a brilliant blue, and cotton-candy clouds drifted lazily across it. Beside Julia, Vivian was trimming dead leaves off one of her zucchini plants. The two of them had started to make a habit of spending quality time together in Vivian’s garden, and it was now one of Julia’s favorite things about her quiet new life away from New York.

“When did your love for growing your own vegetables start, Mom?” Julia asked, smiling at Vivian.

“Oh, when did it start?” Vivian sat back on her heels and placed her hands on her thighs, staring into space. She smiled as she thought. “I think it all started when you kids were little and your dad wanted to take you fishing. If I was inside while he was getting you ready, somehow it always turned into some kind of battle. If I made any suggestions or tried to do something differently, he would always veto my ideas. He always seemed to know better what you kids needed for the fishing trips, so I would just stay out of the way and let him get you kids ready. I knew it was his passion, and he probably did know better than me in the end because I don’t go fishing. And I thought it was a nice time for you to spend with your dad.”

“Huh.” Julia frowned, feeling bad for her mother. Vivian was still smiling, but it struck her that her father hadn’t behaved very graciously during those times. “So that’s when you started gardening? To have something to do while we were gone fishing?”

“Yes.” Vivian chuckled. “As soon as your father suggested a fishing trip, I’d put my gloves on and start digging out here in the tomato beds.”

After a few seconds of silence, Julia asked, “Did that bother you, that Dad wanted to do it all on his own?”

Vivian shook her head. “No, it didn’t. Now, if he’d acted like that all the time, that would have been different. But it was just when he was getting you four ready to go fishing. I think when I got involved he felt as though I didn’t trust him to take care of you kids and get you ready. And I did, and I learned that I needed to show him that. Both parents need to know that the other trusts them.”

Julia inhaled and let out a long sigh, thinking about her situation with Cooper, and feeling as though he didn’t trust her to take care of Macey. Vivian immediately seemed to realize that something was on her daughter’s mind.

“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” Vivian asked, placing a hand on her daughter’s arm.

“I just—well, I feel like I’m running into that issue with Cooper. I know I’m not Macey’s parent, but I am his partner, and when I try to take care of her, it seems to be clear that he doesn’t trust me and he’ll never see me as being able to do things for Macey as well as he can. I’m trying not to be frustrated about it, but it keeps coming up, and I feel bad about it. I feel like whenever I try to take care of her, he stops me and does it his own way instead.”

Vivian nodded, listening intently. “I understand how you feel, but I don’t think you need to feel too bad about it. I thinkit’s only natural for him to act that way, since he has been raising Macey on his own for so long now.”

“But what if it never changes?” Julia felt tears spring into her eyes as she voiced her fears aloud. “What if we get married someday but he never sees me as an equal parent?” She bit her lip, taking a deep breath. She wanted her future with Cooper to be a happy, comfortable one, and she wanted to be able to take care of Macey the way a mother would. She felt a surge of worry create a knot in her chest.

“Don’t fret.” Vivian’s voice was gentle. “Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling with me, but I don’t think you need to worry about that at this stage. After all, you’re not married, and you haven’t been dating for all that long.”

Julia nodded, blinking away the rest of her tears. “You’re right. And I guess I can understand where he’s coming from, since I’ve never had kids of my own. I’m not experienced in that way.”

She remembered how she’d worried, when she first started dating Cooper, about how she would handle dating a man with a small child. She’d worried that she wouldn’t know how to care for Macey at all. Now she felt as if she did know how to care for the little girl, but Cooper’s concerns were holding her back from doing so.

“You’re getting there.” Vivian smiled affectionately at her daughter. “The love you have for that little girl is a great start.”

“I do love her.” Julia smiled, thinking about how much Macey meant to her. “She’s so sweet and darling. And, I don’t know, I just love her. Not just because she’s so charming. There’s also a protective instinct there. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

Vivian nodded and squeezed Julia’s hand. “Absolutely. Children need us, and we have strong instincts that encourage us to take care of them. But that being said, parenting is extremelytricky. Just because we want to take care of a child doesn’t mean that we know how. I don’t think anyone everreallyknows how to be a parent. Just be patient with Cooper while he’s getting used to the idea of you also caring for Macey. And maybe you should tell him how you’re feeling.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Julia leaned over and gave her mother a sideways hug. “That’s good advice.”

They continued to garden, and she thought about what her mother had said. She knew that talking to her boyfriend about how she was feeling was a good idea, but she didn’t feel ready to bring it up to him, at least not yet. She tried to take her mind off the troubling situation as they continued to garden, and soon the pleasant smells and the sound of the birds chirping in the trees had led her mind to other topics of thought.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Hazel tapped her fingers against her lips as she looked down at the magazine that was open on the bathroom counter in front of her. There were so many different spa day ideas on the page in front of her, she hardly knew which one to look at first.

It will depend on what supplies I have,she thought, glancing down at all the products she had spread out on the bathroom floor.For a foot soak, I’ll need mineral salts and maybe some essential oils.

She found the bag of Epsom salts that she’d purchased and noticed that they were lavender scented. She smiled, thinking to herself that she’d bought her supplies in such an eager hurry that she hardly remembered what she’d purchased anymore.

She looked at the other ideas on the magazine page. There were some recipes for homemade bath bombs, but she decided against that. She wanted to have the kind of spa where she could wear silk pajamas and sit comfortably for a while. She knew she wanted to have a foot soak, and she made a mental note that she would need to get a bucket of some kind to put her feet in.

She thought to herself with a chuckle that it was a bit overwhelming, which was ironic because it was supposed to be relaxing. But she had a feeling that if she set up her spa with a lotof the different things that the magazine suggested, like candles and soothing music, it would be absolutely delightful.

“Hey, Mom?”

Hazel looked up as she heard her daughter calling for her. “I’m in here, honey! In the bathroom, looking at some stuff.”

A moment later, Samantha waltzed into the bathroom and shrieked with delight when she saw all of the fun things that Hazel had spread out on the floor. “Whoa! What’s all this stuff?” She crouched down, inspecting the lavender Epsom salts and the face masks and the colorful scented candles. “These look so fancy. What are you doing with them?”

“Well, I saw this magazine here when we were at the store and I got the idea to have an at-home spa day.” Hazel laughed. “I thought it was time for some real self-care.” She hesitated, not knowing how to explain to her daughter that she was still feeling bad that Jacob was dating someone else. She didn’t know how to explain to her that she felt a need to love herself more than she usually did. “I’ve just been feeling a little blue lately, and I thought that having a spa day would be a fun way to pamper myself and remind myself that I can make myself feel special.” As she spoke, she remembered a thought that she’d had the other day. She’d decided that she wanted to appreciate her opportunities to love the people right in front of her rather than pine over the sort of love that was absent from her life. A second later, she got an idea that made her smile. “So, I’ve decided to have an at-home spa day, using these supplies here and some of the ideas in this magazine. Do you want to do it with me? We could have a spa night together.”

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