Page 86 of A Rising Hope

But there, Death still lingered, collecting memories and dreams of those we had lost.

We had won an impossible battle.

The summer breeze swayed my loosened hair, soaked in someone else’s blood.

We lived.

And yet I wished I hadn’t.

Hidden in the late afternoon shadows behind a crumbling chimney, I watched those who could still walk stumble as they carried the wounded—a vain effort, as many of the ones they carried wouldn’t make it through the night.

I watched and heard their cries, and yet the noise outside was silent to me.

No, each time I blinked I heard Broderick’s loud screams as he wept, not wanting to let go of Gia’s battered, lifeless body, his tears washing the blood off her face, his mouth kissing her frozen lips.

Yes, I stood watching the wounded being carried, and yet all I saw was Broderick shouting, his soul-rendering sobs growing louder as two men dragged him away from the battlefield, away from Gia’s burning body. Never to smile, never to laugh, never to hope and dream.

Never to live.

Gia died.

She hadn’t died a death worthy of the sacrifice.

And the weight of that drowned me.

It poisoned me, killing me with such merciless agony I couldn’t breathe.

I lived. I shouldn’t have but I lived. All because she died for me.

Grief suffocated me.

Guilt tortured me.

And I found myself slipping.

No longer in control.

I didn’t want control. I wanted relief.

A part of me knew I shouldn’t. I almost hadn’t survived the last time I descended into the Numb.

The Numb would ruin me. Destroy me.

But absolute obliteration seemed the only answer to find a place of solace and relief.

The Numb called my name, chanting its melodic spell. A drop, a step into the abyss.

Soothing emptiness shielded me from the unbearable sorrow.

And little by little I gave in until I couldn’t feel anything at all.

55

OREST

“Fuck.” I sprinted up the spiral staircase, pushing soldiers out of my way. My heart loudly thudded against my chest, drumming in sync with each step as I flew through the halls and corridors. Saliva in my mouth turned bitter as my thoughts raced.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

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