Page 35 of A Rising Hope

Paragraph after paragraph, he explained what he had done. Why he had done it. How he reasoned his way into this.

But none of it mattered. Because no amount of explanations could calm the violent storm within me.

Line after line, he broke my heart. Severed the little flickers of hope I had allowed myself to have. Shattered the dreams I had allowed myself to believe in.

I wiped the stream of tears that ran down my face.

Live, Daughter of the Dead. Live your life to the fullest, my little wildfire. Be happy. And one day when the veil shall turn thin, I will be waiting for you on the other side. Readyto embrace our forever and never let go. And we shall have eternity together.

“Finn,” Godric quietly said.

“Leave me alone,” I mumbled through tears.

“Finn, you’ll be okay. Look, I know it’s hard right now. But in time, you will see that this was the right choice.”

I glared at him then, squeezing the papers tightly in my hand.

“Leave. Me. Alone,” I whispered heatedly. My reddened eyes met his. Not a demand, but a warning. Godric backed up a few steps, giving me space. Unease lacing his face. Good. He was right to be concerned, because the agony that erupted in my soul could destroy the world.

He opened his mouth to say something.

“Leave!” I yelled, my voice rattled the walls. I pointed to the door leading to the adjacent room, and he hesitated for a moment, but then made his way towards the room, locking the door behind him.

At last, I let the fury take over, incinerating every single thought within me, the burning agony drowning me, and I let myself fall. I let myself crumble to pieces as I fell to the ground on my knees and cried. Crying tears I had so foolishly hoped to never cry again.

24

GIDEON

The pillows on the bed still smelled like her.

That thought alone killed me over and over again.

I forced my eyes to close, letting the Numb float freely in my veins, even if it was just for a moment. The Numb made people careless, reckless, and I could not afford such a luxury here. And yet pure torment charred my soul, the torturous reality of my decision becoming unbearable. Even for me.

But I made myself remember Finnleah’s broken, lifeless body on the floor. Her hands gone. Surrounded by deadlings as if she was one of them. She would’ve been one of them had I been even minutes late. Insanaria would’ve taken her magic, leaving only a human shell behind. A soulless breathing body. Nothing but a husk.

That is why I am here. That is why I must do what is required of me.I repeated to myself over and over, letting those words muffle the heart wrenching shouts that echoed in my soul.

I knew I had made the right choice.

And yet I hated myself for it.

I murdered. I killed. I lied. I cheated so many rules I stopped counting. I lost so many people, wasted their lives and theirloyalties. And I lived with that. I stood by my choice with pride and clarity.

But now, a part of me was no longer sure how I could continue. No longer sure if life was bearable with this choice.

It was never the question of my life, though. But of hers. A single thought of the pain this might cause her broke me in ways I hadn’t known before.

I despised myself. Loathed. Hated myself in ways no enemy of mine could ever rise to.

And I hoped she would despise me too.

I wholeheartedly hoped she would hate me with the entirety of her being for breaking her heart. I hoped she’d read my letter and would detest every memory we shared, every thought of me. I hoped she’d burn my name out of her memory. Because if she did, that meant she would live free of the burden that our vows had become. That meant she would find happiness once again. Even if that was without me. She would move on. And she would be okay.

I had enough love for both of us to get us through eternity and beyond.

Because as much as I abhorred myself, I loved her more.

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