Page 71 of Boss with Benefits

"Why are you being such a bitch?" he accused, and I stepped back. But he was right. I was coming out with guns blazing, and I didn't even know why.

"Forget it," I huffed. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm acting like this. It's just a lot. You. Bradley DeLacey. Lulu. Hao Lin. My bio mom being dead. I don't know if I want to work at the Pilates studio anymore. Eva's gone half the time. My life is changing, and I can't get a grip. It's a lot. Okay?"

I was back to pacing, back to fighting against the electrical storm that was raging inside me.

"I might meet my dad tomorrow," I rushed out, needing to get all these thoughts out that were eating away at my sanity. "Everything is freaking me out, and you make me feel safe. I like being with you, Derrick. I like what we just did. And I liked sucking your cock the other day. We're friends. With benefits. Can't that be enough for now?"

A vein in Derrick's neck pulsed, and his face was a hard mask, but he finally said, "Yes." Pause. "We can be friends."

"Okay," I said, not wanting to analyze why he left out the benefits part. It was probably for the better.

Why did I think doing something sexual with Derrick would help? It didn't work last time. During the act, it took my mind off things, but afterward I always felt worse. And yet, he was like an addiction I couldn't stay away from.

I took a step toward him. "Can I hug you?"

He closed his eyes in a long blink but nodded, and I wrapped my arms around him. He smelled so good, and I melted into his embrace. It was like cozying up next to a warm fire on a bitterly cold day.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I stepped back and gently smacked his ass, trying to get back some of the playfulness.

He smiled, but it was flat.

"Get a good night's sleep. You'll need all your energy tomorrow."

"Sure thing, Boss," I said, and his face dropped.

I quickly left because that was exactly the wrong thing to say. I could see it all over his face the minute "boss" came out of my mouth. Maybe that was the problem. He was still not okay with me working for him and fooling around with him.

I could already hear Eva in my head telling me I was delusional. The problem wasn't that he was my boss, it was that he wanted more, and I couldn't give that to him. But I couldn't seem to stay away.

If only he didn't love me. Because love was the last thing on my mind.

34

DERRICK

"How are you feeling?" I asked Rachel the next day.

She sat on a chair on the other side of my desk in black leggings and a retro Rainbow Bright T-shirt.

"I've been better," she answered.

We’d spent the morning sorting through our action plan. My goal was making sure Rachel was prepared for the emotional roller coaster that was about to slam into her when Brad arrived.

We had decided to feel him out and, depending on how he reacted to our initial questions, we might or might not reveal the real reason why we asked him to come today.

He was due any minute, and Rachel looked nervous, fidgeting with her phone and chewing her lip. I wanted to reach out and reassure her, but I didn't. She didn't want boyfriend comfort. She wanted Derrick, the steadying, reliable boss.

What the hell was I thinking last night? I wanted to think of it like Rachel did. A bit of fun and stress relief. But did the whole friends with benefits work when you were in love with the person? Where was the fucking manual for that?

I had been tossing and turning all night, making arguments in my head, trying to convince myself that fooling around with Rachel was enough. In the end I woke up with a headache, a heartache, and no resolutions.

Not that any of my emotional crap mattered. I needed to put my energy into being someone Rachel could depend on, not a...what did she call me...sad puppy dog.

I rolled my eyes internally. Rachel really was allergic to real emotions.

A moment later there was a knock on my office door. A tall man with short, chestnut hair and a confident stride walked in. He was dressed in a sharp suit, exuding the aura of someone who was used to being in control.

I greeted him with a warm smile and asked him to sit in the chair next to Rachel, introducing her as a colleague who was sitting in on the meeting.

---