Page 56 of Boss with Benefits

"I'm serious. Her spunky, carefree vibe is good for you."

I couldn't help but smile thinking of Rachel's infectious optimism, her quick wit, her forever changing hair color.

Maria grinned, nudging me with her elbow. "Man, you've got it bad."

I groaned, hating how right she was. I'd brought murderers to their knees; I could certainly wrangle my emotions. Except, when it came to Rachel, I couldn't.

"It doesn't even matter. She doesn't see me that way."

"How do you know? Have you asked her?"

I avoided her questioning gaze.

“No. It'll mess everything up. She needs a friend right now. Not her boss trying to get with her."

"You're not trying to 'get with her.'"

I raised an eyebrow, because fuck, I'd love to get with her.

"I mean, you don'tjustwant sex, right? You have real feelings for her."

I nodded. "But I won't overstep that boundary. I won't do that to her."

My sister's expression softened. "You can't make this decision for Rachel. If you want a relationship with her, you need to let her be a part of that choice. Whether she wants it or not, she deserves to know how you feel."

I shook my head. "With everything she's going through with her family, it's not the right timing."

Maria squeezed my hand, her eyes understanding. "These feelings aren't just going to go away. At some point, you're gonna have to say something. And Derrick? Rachel would be lucky to have you."

I looked away, touched. But despite what she said, I wouldn't tell Rachel. Ever. Feelings were just that. Feelings. And they could remain inside me for eternity if I wanted. I came here because I needed to talk, to let some of this out so I didn't explode.

I smiled, gratitude rushing over me for my sister. "Thanks, Maria."

She lowered her gaze, and I braced myself because I knew that look. "But if you crash and burn, don't blame me. I've been out of the game for over a decade. What do I know?"

Just then, a real crash echoed from the back room, followed by the sound of giggles and our mother's exasperated sigh.

"I should probably go make sure the kids haven't destroyed the new batch of gelato," she said, shaking her head fondly.

"I'll be there in a minute." I stared out the window at the evening commuters rushing home for dinner. I felt lighter after unloading to my sister, but the heaviness in my chest remained.

Nothing had changed. Rachel was still forbidden fruit. There was no way I was breaking her trust and creating a chasm between us by confessing. Even if she left Dreamary, she'd still be twenty-six, a generation away from me and where I was in my life.

I'd love to be like Rachel, free and unburdened by the future. She had so many more years to live and play before she even thought about settling down. Not that I could ever imagine her settling down. I knew biologically a man could start a family at any time and there was technically not a rush, but I wanted what Maria had, and I wanted it sooner than later. I didn't want to wait another decade to start a family. It was lame, but it was the truth. I wanted to be a dad. I wanted a traditional marriage. I wanted it all. I just wished Rachel was ten years older. Then, maybe we'd have a chance.

I had to move on from this infatuation, because there was no point hoping for something I could never have.

28

RACHEL

It was Thursday, and I was sitting at one of the long workbenches across from Peyton, staring blankly at my computer screen.

Tomorrow was doom's day—the dinner my mom had set up with my biological grandfather—and I had no idea what I was going to do. I didn’t even know the man existed until a few weeks ago.

Yeah, I’d realized that somewhere in the world I had biological grandparents, but it wasn't until Hao Lin stalked me like some weirdo geriatric ninja that the reality crashed into me like nunchucks.

What did he even want with me? I’d been perfectly happy knowing nothing about my biological family who’d left poor little baby me in the NICU. That was over twenty-five years ago. Why change everything now?

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