Page 89 of Boss with Benefits

"You're pretty dope, you know that," I said, my voice muffled against his shoulder.

Brad's arms came around me, holding me tight. "You too."

I looked around our group, happier than I’d been in a long time. Yeah, I still had a beat-up heart that made me cry every night into my poor, abused pillow, but having all these other people who loved me around made me realize one day I'd be over it, and I had a pretty kick-ass life.

With or without Derrick Jacques.

* * *

The sun dippedlow behind the trees as Mom and I strolled through Central Park after everyone had gone. The day's events swirled in my mind like leaves caught in an autumn breeze.

"So," Mom said, giving my shoulder a little nudge. She was quiet for a moment, considering. "I like Brad. But Rachel, honey, you don't have to have a relationship with him if you don't want to. It's your choice."

"I know. But I want to. I'm happy,Amma."

Mom stopped, turning to face me with a soft smile. "Good. You've always done what you wanted in the end. It's one of the things I love most about you—your fearlessness."

"Even when it drives you crazy?" I teased.

"Especially then." She laughed, then added slyly, "And how about a certain tall, dark, and broody detective?"

I took a deep breath. "Actually, we're over. And I’m not working for Dreamary."

"What happened?" Mom's eyes widened in surprise.

"I quit," I said. "But I have another job lined up. Anyway, the main reason I was working there to begin with was, well, I wanted to surprise you."

She frowned, confused. "Surprise me?"

"I wanted to save up enough money to send us on an Alaskan cruise next summer," I blurted out. "The one on your bucket list."

Mom's jaw dropped. "Rachel, honey, that's too much. I can afford to take us. You didn't need to?—"

"I wanted to," I interrupted, stepping into the shade of an oak tree. "You've taken care of me all my life. It's time I did something for you."

She pulled me into a tight hug. "Oh, sweetheart. I love that you worked so hard to do this for me. But save your money for something else. I'll be much happier if you use it for a downpayment on an apartment. I mean it. I won't accept it. But let's do the cruise. On me. But not just us. Anyone from our new mixed-up family that wants to go."

"I'd like that," I said, excitement fluttering across my belly. "If that's what you really want."

But a hint of sadness seeped in because the one person I really wanted to invite would never come.

Mom pulled back, studying my face. "Rachel what's wrong?"

My bottom lip trembled. My life was awesome. Why did this one misery mute all the other goodness? I thought I could ignore this raging, unrequited love but it seeped into every aspect of my life. I wanted to wrestle it into submission, but every time I tried, it pinned me down until I couldn't breathe.

"It's Derrick." I looked up at my mom, tears blurring my vision. The whole story came tumbling out—how he fell first, then I fell harder, how he pushed me away, how he didn't want me anymore, how I ruined everything.

Mom cupped my face in her hands, forcing me to meet her gaze. "Rachel, listen to me. What did I just say I love most about you?"

"My sparkling wit and unrivaled beauty?" I quipped weakly.

She rolled her eyes, but there was a smile tugging at her lips. "Your fearlessness, you goofball."

I blinked, not understanding. Or afraid that she was telling the truth, and I was too much of a coward to be my authentic self and go after what I wanted.

"If you love him, fight for him. Be the brave, confident woman I raised you to be."

I shook my head. "It's different. I've tried but he won't listen."

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