Page 10 of Unbossly Manners

“It was bad.” I relented. “The guy was awful. But what hurt most were his words. I’ll never be able to go down on a guy again.”

Kat took my hand. “Yes, you will.”

“No!” The word came out with much more fervor than I’d intended. “I’m bad at sex. At all of it. I hated when he went down on me. There’s something wrong with me.”

Kat snatched my hands and waited until I met her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re young. When you meet a real man, one you trust, it will be very different. I promise.”

I smiled wanly, but I wasn’t convinced. I was twenty-four, plenty of time to have built my sexual resume. If I had to guess, Kat and Jackson were in their mid-thirties. She had ten years of experience and confidence on me.

“I see the doubt,” she said. “Look, if you want, I’ll send you some resources. There are great therapists I can recommend.”

She let go of my hands. “And you can practice on some of my bananas.”

I laughed, which was Kat’s intention, I suspected.

“If Jackson had his way he’d destroy every man that violated a woman.” Kat glanced at him with admiration. “It’s one of the reasons he joined Dreamary when Isaac and Derrick started it.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Since the company’s platform is all about breaking down toxic masculinity.”

I knew that was part of the company’s motto, of course. It had played a part in my wanting to work there.

Dreamary had begun with Missing Girls. Derrick and Isaac helped find missing women, focusing mainly on women of color. Every episode included a tip on how women could be more empowered and protect themselves. The final message was always to men. How to respect a woman. How to raise good men. That kind of thing.

Derrick, a seasoned New York City detective, and Isaac, a true crime journalist were vulnerable and affectionate with each other on the show and signed off by saying I love you to each other. It was authentic and sweet and a great example of men who are friends and also open and big-hearted, breaking down the stereotypes.

“It’s a great company,” I said and meant it. “And it’s admirable that you backed the company because of their message,” I added to Jackson.

I stretched. It had been a long night, and Kat’s words were penetrating my subconscious, and I felt slightly better.

“He’s also a great teacher. If you know what I mean.” Kat winked at Jackson who looked like he wanted to slip under the kitchen counter and hide. “You’re not ready for that now, but in the future, when you do find a worthy man, take your time, and don’t be afraid to let yourself be the student.”

I bit my lip and considered this. It would be nice to have someone show me the ropes and build up my sexual aplomb. I wondered if Jackson would want to do something like that. A no-strings-attached kind of thing. Hell, his ex-wife was practically whoring him out.

I flicked my gaze his way—his posture was rigid, his arms crossed over his chest, his mouth slightly open. At most he was annoyed. At worst, mortified by Kat’s teasing. Nope. He most definitely was not down to be my teacher.

Not that I wanted one.

five

A sex teacher.

The thought circled my mind as I sat on the sofa, sneaking looks at him. I didn’t know if it was the whiskey and wine, but I was warming to the idea. It would be nice to have someone I trusted to guide me slowly and gently through all things sex.

Did I want Jackson to be that person?

I hardly knew him. He was intimidating, and everything in his body language said he was horrified by the idea.

So, no. He was not the man for the job.

“I’m leaving in a few days,” Kat said, pulling sheets from the linen closet outside the bathroom. “There’s no point in you scrambling to find somewhere to live or going back where that dickhead lives when this place is available.”

“That’s very gracious,” I said, still unsure if I would take the offer. It was super generous, but I felt like a freeloader. Again.

“It’s not gracious,” Kat said. “It’s practical. This world would be a way better place if people weren’t so fucking selfish. Doing this makes me happy.”

“I’ll think about it.” I was hesitant to say yes. It was a big gesture and she hardly knew me. “I’ll talk to my roommate tomorrow. Maybe Chip was wrong and he’s leaving soon. Then I can move back in.”

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