Page 21 of Unbossly Manners

“And she knows it.” I laughed. “I grew up in a home where men came and went on a conveyor belt. My mother wasn’t flaky or a slut. But she loves her independence. And she loves sex. In a healthy way. She isn’t lost and using sex and these men to fill a void. She knows what she wants and when she wants it and she’s very upfront about it. There’s no shame in her game.”

Jackson’s brow furrowed, trying to follow.

“Like all teenagers, I rebelled. Except my rebellion wasn’t being out of control. I went the other way. I suppressed any urge that was ‘normal’ and became the opposite of my mother—understated, non-confrontational, and prudish. Not that I didn’t want to have sex, but I wanted to show my mom and the world that I was different. Isn’t that the plight of all teenagers? Proving that you’re your own person.

“I despised casual relationships and what boy wants serious at fifteen? I had a boyfriend briefly in high school and we had sex, but it was awkward. We both just wanted to try it and get it over with. My point is, I kinda skipped over that phase in high school and college when it’s normal to be clumsy with sex. Because I was trying to be different than my mom. But the joke’s on me because I’m twenty-four and my sexual experiences can be counted on one hand. I’m terrified… more than I want to admit to even my closest friend.”

I crossed my arms over my midsection, avoiding his gaze as I continued.

“The reason I’m telling you all this is because I’m sick of hooking up with guys like Chip that I only go out with because I don’t like them that much, which means I won’t be as humiliated when it all goes horribly wrong.” The realizations hit me as I spoke. “Last night made me realize my issues go deep. And I want to fix them. Desperately. It’s the only reason I can explain why I’m telling you any of this. I want to go back to that teenage girl and tell her she can be her own person even if some of it means being like her mom. Because my mom is fucking awesome.”

I exhaled, loudly, gathering myself for where this was all leading.

“Jackson, what I’m trying to say is… I don’t think Kat’s idea is outlandish.”

My hands were clasped tightly in my lap and I stared at them, afraid to look up and see Jackson’s reaction.

“First,” Jackson said, his voice soft. “Thank you for trusting me with all that.”

I glanced up. Jackson’s eyes were searching, but kind.

“Second, what exactly are you saying?”

I dropped my chin. Was he really making me say it again? I considered dropping it, but I’d already put it out there. If I left now, I’d be exactly where I was, a sex loser.

“I want you to help me.”

Jackson wiped his hand down his face. “This is so fucked up.”

“Or kind of brilliant.” I raised my eyebrows, my heart thundering in my chest. “I’ll never speak of it again if I’ve offended you. I’ll quit tomorrow.”

“I’m not offended.” Jackson’s voice was firm. “But I have to tell you something because if we’re gonna do this, we have to be brutally honest all the time. Trust is key.”

His blue eyes captured mine and my heart ricocheted against my ribs, realizing this may happen.

“I—” He stopped, shoving his hand through his hair. “Sorry. But fuck. This is hard to say.”

“I just ripped my chest open, so trust me, I get it,” I assured him. “And I can keep my mouth shut.”

“I’m still in love with Kat. Like she said. And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being afraid of another woman destroying me.” He chuckled sardonically. “And I like a challenge. Again, she was right.”

“So you heard everything,” I said.

He closed his eyes, taking a moment. “No one likes to hear their ex say they need to get over them. If this is what she wants me to do, I’ll do it.”

“What are you saying?” I asked, breathless.

“I need to know that you were not coerced in any way and that you want to do this,” Jackson said. “Tell me exactly what you’re proposing.”

I took a long breath and held his gaze. “Jackson Rhodes, I’m proposing you show me how to be a diva in bed.”

He laughed.

“Peyton— Oh shit, what’s your last name? Heart?”

“That’s my mom’s stage name. She gave me her real name. Holland.”

Jackson rubbed his hands on his thighs nervously, but there was an excitement sizzling in the air between us.

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