Page 68 of Miguel

It wasn’t said with accusation, but I winced regardless. “I’m sorry if I judged you harshly–”

“No, nena. Don’t apologize. You judged me, but I could tell from the first moment we met how much you cared about Zeke.”

“I do. And I’m not a parent, but I know there’s no guide that tells you how to do this.” I gave him a firm squeeze of the hand before I pulled away, letting my fingers run through Zeke’s curls. “It’s going to be hard moving forward, but I can already tell after only a few weeks that Zeke seems happier.”

“Gracias a Dios,” he muttered. “Parenting is hard.”

“And his mom… I mean… is it okay if I ask about…?”

“You can ask me anything you want, nena.”

“What happened with her?”

“We fucked and she got knocked up, didn’t tell me until recently.” He was so cold as he said those words, almost like he was trying to distance himself from the facts of his own life. “It’s not like I even knew her well, or at all.”

“And are you always so…” My face flamed as the word formed on my lips, but I forced it back down my throat before I could release it.

“Say it, nena,” Miguel said. “One thing I don’t ever want is for you to hold back what you want to say to me.”

I tried not to fidget where I sat. “I mean, are you always…loose… with women?”

He chortled out what sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

“I don’t mean to sound rude,” I argued weakly, feeling my face flame to the point where I was sure I was bright red. “I’m sorry if I do. It’s just… I’ve seen the women at your compound. The way they… throw themselves at you. Do you always…” I held my breath, eyes darting down to Zeke, but his attention was on a group of pigeons in front of us.

He tossed a piece of his ice cream cone at the birds, and they flocked to it and towards him. He looked up at Miguel for encouragement. When Miguel gave him a nod and nudge, Zeke stood and went to feed pieces to the animals. With more privacy, we turned towards one another.

“Do you always sleep with the women at the compound?” The words tasted acidic on my lips, but they had to be said. He wanted honesty, and so did I. If I didn’t get it out now, then I was afraid I’d lose my courage to ask at all.

Miguel’s expression darkened at my question. “Nena, I have a past.”

“So do I.”

His hand shot out and clamped around the back of my neck. It wasn’t a tight hold. It wasn’t dangerous, threatening, or angry. He held me as if to steady himself.

“I know what you’re asking me. I’m not going to lie to you, nena. My past isn’t pure. I’m not a fucking virgin. I have been with the club putas, and Zeke’s mom–” He shook his head. “A fucking blur of tequila and drugs. I don’t remember shit from that time, but I do know I used protection. I’vealwaysbeen careful about protecting myself and who I’m with. Things with Yenny were a fluke–the condom didn’t fucking work. I’m not an irresponsible jackass, nena. I get myself checked regularly–I’ll show you the proof if you want.”

“That’s good to hear,” I admitted. “It’s just, I know why those girls are at the compound. What they’re there for.” Dios, I hated how insecure I sounded. Hated how my voice quivered as I said it. “If this works out, they’ll be all over you all the time, every day, and I can’t compete with that. I don’twantto.”

His grip on the back of my neck tightened and he tugged me close. I slid across the bench, closing the space that separated us.

“Here’s something I need you to understand, nena.” There was a dark edge to his voice. “When I claim you, it means you’re mine. You belong to me, just as much as I belong to you. I don’t need or want anyone else. You got that?” His hand squeezed my neck once more as if for effect.

There was sincerity in his voice, and I instantly believed him. The insecurity was still there, but I decided to let it go. For now.

“I got it,” I breathed, turning my attention back to Zeke. He was giving the final bits of his cone to the pigeons, and when the last crumbled bits were on the ground and devoured, he turned in our direction, his soft smile warming my heart.

“Let’s go?” Miguel asked, standing up and pulling me with him. “Have to get Zeke home and fed.”

“Sure.”

“I know this isn’t a typical date and probably not what you had in mind–”

“It’s perfect.” I smiled at him. “Really.”

I loved the simplicity of it. To be honest, if he’d done something elaborate, I would have cringed. I was a simple person. I didn’t need huge grand gestures. I didn’t need people to go above and beyond to prove their affection for me. It was the little moments like these that made me appreciative of life, of feelings, of the time we had together. Money came and went constantly, and so did things. Chocolates got eaten, flowers withered and died, but it was memories that lived on forever.

And these were memories I would think of with affection, whether Miguel and I worked out or not.

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