Page 39 of Game Changer

If anything ever happened to me—if I wasn’t here anymore, if life did what life sometimes does and took me away too soon—I need you to allow yourself to go after love in the way you do an endzone, or a red velvet cupcake. The kind of love that feels safe, steady, and certain. The kind of love that lights up a room when you walk into it. The kind that doesn’t feel like settling.

Because our daughter … she’s going to grow up watching you. She’s going to learn from you. She’s going to see the way her Daddy loves and believe that’s what love is supposed to look like. And I want her to see it in its best form. I want her to see you happy. I want her to know what it means to be adored. Not just because of words, but because of actions.

She deserves that example. And you deserve that love. Even if it’s not from me.

I know this letter might hurt. And for that, I’m sorry. But please, don’t ever mistake this for me not believing in you. You are an incredible father. Always have been. And while I might not be the person standing next to you in the way we bothtried to imagine, I will always be in your corner. Always.

For you. For her. For the love I know you’ll show her, whether it comes from me or from someone else one day.

With love,

Red

A three-hundred-and-fifty-pound linebacker couldn’t crush me as badly as this letter does, and it gets no better, no easier, after reading it the third time.

More questions … I have so many more fucking questions. Did she do this on purpose? Did she try to kill herself? Run into the tree on purpose?

The bathroom door flies open as I back away, tears streaming and crumpled-up letter in hand.

“Beau,” comes out in the sweetest whisper right before arms wrap around me. “Do you want me to get Hudson? Tell me what to do to help.”

“Stay like this. Fuck.” I sniff back tears. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Did you get a call?”

“No.” I tighten my fist, making the paper crinkle even more. “I got a fucking letter.” I clear my throat as I step back and hand it to her, then turn to rinse my face and blow my nose.

“Do you want me to?—”

“Read it. Read it and talk it through with me.”

“Are you sure you don’t want Hudson or Riley?”

“Hudson needs his head in the game, and Riley’s pregnant.”And even if none of that were true, I’d still want it to be you.

I stand there and watch her read, watch tears fill those beautiful blue eyes of hers, watch that bow-shaped bottom lip stick out and quiver, and her hands shake right before she holds the letter to her chest. “Beau, I?—”

“Do you think she did this on purpose? Did she want to die? To leave Lily?”

She looks at the paper again. “That’s not at all how I read this.” She shakes her head and looks up at me. “The date is January 31st; maybe it’s an end-of-a-year or era thing?”

I run my hand through my hair and shake my head as I walk toward the door and open it. “I don’t think so. That’s not her style. But if she had, she would have given it to me.”

“Maybe she planned on it?” she asks as she follows me out.

“Where did you find it?” I ask as I quietly peek in to make sure Lily is still sleeping.

“Her nightstand drawer.”

I glance back at her as she now follows me down the stairs. “Her nightstand drawer?”

“I was concerned she may have something private in there that her parents shouldn’t see.”

“Private?” I ask as I stop and wave my hand in front of me for her to go ahead into the kitchen.

“Some girls keep B-O-Bs in their nightstand.”

“Vibrators?” I ask.

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