Page 34 of The Sweetest Chirp

I shrug as I back away. “Sorry. Habit.”

“Well, get out of the habit.”

I press my finger to my lips, thinking that over. “It’s a habit I’d rather not break.”

“There is no us.” She’s breathing fire now.

I chuckle just as Arwen wraps her arms around my legs. I lift her up with a grin as she signs,Daddy, I’m ready to go!

Holding her close, I turn so Audrina can see me signing to Arwen. Because I’m a petty jackass, I make sure to say the words I want Audrina to see and hear clearly.I am too.Weare almost done, and thenwe’llhead out.Arwen throws up her jazz hands while I turn, but I look over my shoulder at a flustered Audrina. “Just so you know,weis another word forus.”

She’s fuming. Damn, she’s cute. “No, we is the three of us.”

I grin when she curses after realizing she usedus. Meanwhile, I’m grinning like a cat with cream. “Sure, but there would be no we if there weren’t an us.”

She stomps her foot, and I chuckle loudly. I sense Arwen grinning at me, and I return the smile.Isn’t Mommy pretty?

Arwen is animated as she signs,Sooooo pretty.

Right?I sign and then say, “Especially when she’s all flustered and angry.”

Audrina groans loudly, and I can only laugh.

It won’t be easy, but damn it if I’m not looking forward to the fun part of getting back tous.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Arwen is Audrina made over.

She may look just like me, but that girl is her mommy. She sat like such a big girl, her little nose up in the air and her eyes trained on Audrina and me as the specialist looked in her ears. No tears in sight. She sat through the scansand was the bravest almost-three-year-old I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve seen or been around many, but mine is the best if anyone asks. It wasn’t until they poured the casting crap into her ears that she actually let go of some tears. There may not be an us in Audrina’s head, but together, we whispered and signed sweet words of encouragement to help our daughter through the pain. I wiped her eyes, and I smiled when she looked at me, even when all I wanted to do was take her place.

I love her. So deeply, it hurts.

I run my fingers along the apples of her cheeks, and she leans her head into mine. I kiss her temple and sign,You did so well.

Thanks, Daddy. My ears hurt.

I know,malyshonuk. I’m sorry.

Before Arwen can answer me back, Audrina mutters, “That’s how you sign it.”

I look over to where she sits beside us on the little bench seat. Her hair is up in a ponytail, the waves cascading down a shoulder. She’s wearing an oversized brown sweater, but her jeans might as well be painted on. When she answered the door this morning to the hotel room I got her and Arwen, I was in awe, but when she walked away to get Arwen, I almost cried out for mercy. Her jeans are tight, holding those sweet thighs in place, and I swear her ass is about to bust the seams. My mouth is dry just knowing how tight they are. I’d thought sleeping in a different room from her and Arwen was difficult, but nothing compares to being so close I could touch her but knowing I can’t.

This day is stressful enough without me trying to make moves on her.

The drive to South Carolina was easy. Arwen isn’t a fan of traveling, especially without her ears. She could get our attention by calling out, but her words are jumbled and messy, so Audrina had to turn in her seat to sign for me and to tell me what Arwen said. And boy, did my girl have a lot to say.She asked me everything fromHow much longer will it be until we’re there, toWhen are we eating next. As a foodie, I was down to eat whenever she asked. Because of the mutual love for food in the car, it took a bit longer to get to South Carolina. I didn’t mind, though. While it was tense between us, Audrina and I fell into effortless conversation about Arwen.

She told me about the pregnancy. Apparently it was very easy, the worst part being the last three weeks because of how she carried Arwen and the back pain it caused. I wanted to tell her I wished I could have been there, but there is no point in wishing for something that can’t be changed. Instead, I asked questions. Her cravings: chicken nuggets with sweet-and-sour sauce, dipped into an Oreo McFlurry.

As a self-proclaimed foodie…what the fuck?

Ignoring her disgusting craving, I asked when she heard Arwen’s first heartbeat: her second appointment. When she decided on a name: the day Arwen was born becauseLord of the Ringswas playing in her delivery room, per her request. The birth was quick, only two hours. When I asked how she did it, she told me she had no choice, but holding Arwen made it all worth it. I couldn’t agree more.Malyshonukhas a way of rooting herself in your heart and not letting go. I asked if Audrina cried when she found out that Arwen couldn’t hear, and she shook her head.

“No. I cried because she was every bit of you, and you didn’t know.”

Her admission hit me in the gut, and we rode in silence for over an hour as I played the what-if game. If I hadn’t been a jealous asshole, if I had just explained I was scared that I wasn’t enough, or even popped some meds and taken a fucking nap because I was acting like a tired toddler. So many things I could have done differently, but none of them are doing me any goodnow. By the time we stopped for food, though, I accepted that I couldn’t change the past. But the future?

It’s mine for the taking.

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