Page 24 of The Sweetest Chirp

They still hurt.

Yeah, I don’t like my kid hurting. I think my ears are starting to hurt. It’s all in my head, I know, but damn it, my kid shouldn’t be sick. Ignoring that frustration with her mother, I sign cheerily,I think I know how to cheer you up.

Her eyes sparkle. I swear it. No one could ever tell me any different.How?

Would you like to call your aunt?I find myself asking. I don’t know if it’s a good idea, but my gut tells me it is. Arwen starts to bounce, signingYes, and I know I have to. I clear my throat and exhale as I open my FaceTime app, and to my surprise, Arwen drops herself into my lap. She leans back against my chest, and I can’t move. She’s drawn to me, just as I am to her. Her little hands come up to wrap around my forearms in such a sweet embrace. I’m hardly breathing as I look down to see she is watching what I am doing on my phone. A slow grin moves across my face, my first real smile, and I find that I feel whole again.

I have no clue what is about to happen, how I am going to make everything work out, but when Arwen looks at me with such hope in her brown eyes, I know I’ll die trying.

Ingrid answers on the third ring, signing a hello as she looks at me expectantly. I haven’t called her much since Audrina left,but I know as much as she thinks she doesn’t want to speak to me, she will. I make sure she can see my mouth and try to sign with one hand as I ask, “Where are you?”

My sister’s voice isn’t articulated, a soft tenor to it, and sometimes it’s hard to understand. That doesn’t stop her, though. She signs and talks to make sure her point gets across. “In the courtyard of school. I’m on break. Where is Audrina?”

“She’s working.”

“Working?” she asks, confused. “Where? Are you coming home with her?”

I shake my head. “I need to show you someone.”

“Someone?” she asks, her brown eyes guarded as her brows knit. “Who?”

“You can’t tell anyone.”

Her furrow deepens. “What? Why?”

“Promise.”

“I promise,” she says, exasperated. “Is she coming home?”

Since I’m unable to answer that, I slowly lower the phone and watch as Ingrid takes in the smiling toddler in my lap. Her eyes widen, her lips part, and then she covers her mouth. Arwen doesn’t understand, but that doesn’t stop her from quickly signing,Aunt Ingrid! I’m Arwen!

When she does jazz hands, I let out a sound between a sob and a chuckle.

“Aunt?” Ingrid asks, her eyes filling with tears. “Thatcher?” A tear rolls down her cheek, and it pains me almost as much as Arwen having a fever. Her hands shake as she signs to me, “She’s yours?”

“This is your niece,” I say, and then I drop my lips to the top of Arwen’s little head. She looks up at me, grinning, and I can’t look away.

I don’t want to look away.

Ever again.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Arwen and I are coloring when the door opens an hour later. I thought Arwen was a pretty freaking cool kid before, but she’s so much more than I ever could have imagined. She is witty and quick with her hands. I can tell that Audrina has worked hard with her from all the resources andhand-strengthening tools she has. It’s apparent Audrina made sure to do everything my mom and dad did when we learned of Ingrid’s diagnosis.

It actually made Ingrid cry when she saw all the supplies Audrina had for Arwen. Of course, Arwen was stoked to show Ingrid everything, and her auntie ate it up. They couldn’t get enough of each other, both signing quickly and wanting to know everything. The last thing Ingrid said when we ended the call was, “Bring her home now.”

I have every intention of doing so.

Audrina takes in the scene as she shuts the door with her foot, holding a tray of plates. Her teeth sink into her lip as she looks between us. I notice that Arwen didn’t hear her come in, so I tap her before pointing to Audrina. Arwen’s sweet face lights up as she says,Mommy!

Audrina grins at our daughter, not me, as she jazz hands with one hand before coming to the table where we sit. Arwen is already cleaning up our mess, but I find I’m still watching Audrina. It’s insane how gorgeous I still find her even after everything that has happened. How obsessed I am with the small upturn of her nose, how I wish I could taste her lips. I wonder if it would be as good as it was before. If she tastes the same or if everything has changed. Kissing her pulse point was nowhere near enough. I want more.

I need more.

I know I should hate her for how this all went down. Especially after spending this last hour with the most amazing, smartest little girl I’ve ever met. I am in awe of how Audrina has raised her. It’s obvious that Arwen is her main focus, but it irritates the ever-loving fuck out of me that she doesn’t have insurance and Arwen is not getting the best care. It’s asinine to me because Audrina has money, but instead, she is choosing to stay holed up in this room. The rational part of me understands,but the protective part is livid. I don’t hate Audrina for hiding my child—I can’t, after what I said—but I am mad and hurt. I want to shake her for stealing my time with my daughter, but I get it.

I broke her.

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