Page 23 of The Sweetest Chirp

I know she loves me.

I just have to remind her how much.

Right now, though, she still doesn’t like me much. With a stank look on her face, she snaps, “I want to be able to see her.”

“I can look after her.”

“I don’t know that,” she counters, and when her gaze sets on mine, I see the same expression from so long ago. She’s terrified. “You’ve been a dad for ten minutes. You don’t know what she needs.”

“I need to learn,” I insist. “I would never do anything to hurt her.” I expect her to scoff at me or throw a jab, but she does neither, only chews on her lip. I don’t want to push, but I find myself reassuring her. “We’ll be fine. If we need you, we’ll come down.”

She tucks a stray piece of hair behind Arwen’s ear and then taps her cheek to get Arwen’s attention once more.Be good? And no ears, okay?

Knowing she calls her ear gearearslike Ingrid does sends warmth through my body. Audrina may have run from us, but she didn’t leave us behind. We’ve stayed in her heart and, now, in Arwen’s. I can’t ignore what that means—that she never meant to stay away from us, that she has missed us, but she didn’t know how to come back.

Well, that’s about to change.

Okay, Mommy.

And if you need me, tell him, okay?

I love how Arwen looks at Audrina. I can tell they’re very close, and I ignore the voice in my head that says I don’t belong, because I do. These two are my girls, and I refuse to accept any other outcome. Arwen nods, and then Audrina is moving fromthe bed. Before she can walk away, though, I take ahold of her wrist. “Hurry back. We need to talk.”

She pulls her hand free then nods. “I won’t be long.”

Before she leaves, she asks if Arwen needs to go potty, but she declines. She explains that Arwen has expressed interest in the potty but hasn’t tried it. That’s when I notice the little Bluey toilet seat in the bathroom. Audrina shows me where the juice is for Arwen’s cup and then hands me the remote. I don’t use it when she leaves. I throw it on the side table and then find Arwen watching me.

You don’t have ears?

I smile before I sign back.Not cool ones like yours, just boring ones.

She giggles, the sound so damn innocent it has my heart aching in my chest. Her hands move so efficiently, and I can’t help but think my kid is a genius as she signs to me.My aunt and grandpa have ears like mine.

I inhale sharply as I nod.Yes, I know. That’s my sister and my dad.

She nods quickly.Yes. Come.

Arwen gets off the bed with no issues and takes off for the little desk area next to Audrina’s desk. Before, I was looking around like this place was the shit on my shoes. It was wrong of me, because even though it’s small, Audrina has made it a home for my daughter. She really did the best she could. But Arwen can have more. So much more. I push aside my emotions and follow my little girl to a small table. There are shelves full of sign language toys and resources, loads of art stuff and coloring books. Arwen pulls out the chair and then taps it for me. I’m six-three, over two hundred pounds. There is no way I can sit in this tiny chair without snapping it. I point to the floor.I’ll sit on the floor.

She shrugs and sits down, grabbing a little purple book. She opens it, and the first thing I see is a photo of Audrina and me at an IceCats winter party. I’m in a tux, while Audrina has on a sparkly silver dress that hugs her frame and shows off all the amazing freckles along her shoulders and neck. Her hair is down in waves of strawberry-blond, her bright hazel eyes shining as she leans into me. We look like a couple, which everyone always thought we were. Looking at how she’s leaning on me and how I’m looking at her like the greatest present under the tree, I guess I didn’t hide my feelings well enough.

Not that she ever noticed.

I loved you at the time.

I don’t believe that she doesn’t still love me. Even if it’s only as family, the love is there. I can build on it. I will make her mine. None the wiser to my internal monologue, Arwen points to a picture of me and then to me.Daddy. She points to Audrina.Mommy. Then she turns the page, and the next picture is of Anya and William.Baba and Dede, she signs and then does the same thing for a photo of my parents on the following page. Between my mom and dad is Ingrid, and the grin that takes over Arwen’s face leaves me breathless.This is my aunt. She is very smart and very pretty.

My girl is so damn smart, so wordy, and I am utterly entranced by her. Audrina has done so damn well with her. It kills me that I missed it all.

Tears burn in my eyes as I slowly agree.She loves you—very much.

Arwen beams, her grin taking up her whole face.Does she? I wish I could talk to her.

I don’t know what Audrina has told her about where we are. Did she say we were on a trip? Was I working? I have so many questions and absolutely no answers. As long as I get her home,I’ll be fine. Everything will fall into place once I get my girls home.

Oh yes, she does, I sign, moving a curl out of her eye. I look on the desk and find where Audrina leaves her hair ties. She did the same in her old office. Instead of using a pen cup for pens, she used it to hold hair ties. Before I do what I intend, I ask Arwen if I can. She nods eagerly, and I gather her hair up in a little ponytail on top of her head. Her eyes are so bright as they look up at me.

How are your ears?I ask, and she shrugs.

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