Page 1 of The Sweetest Chirp

LETTER ONE

Mom and Dad,

So, don’t freak out, K?

I know that’s dumb to say, because I’m sure as soon as you saw this letter, you got that feeling. That feeling that something was wrong. Being incredible parents, you’ve already known something has been off for the last week or so. You probably knew while I was writing this letter, even with me across town in my apartment.

I hate that I lied to you all week when you asked if I was okay. I’m not. My head is such a mess that I don’t even know what is up and what is down. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know who Thatch— This isn’t about him. I mean, it is, but it isn’t.

Don’t hate him, K?

I’m sorry to run off like this. I feel like everything is out of control, and I can’t seem to find my footing. It’s all on me. As you’ve told me time and time again, I made this bed, I’ve gotta lie in it. You two have done nothing but love me, and I’m sorry to do this to you. All you’ve ever done is take care of me and do what I want. You love me even though I’m not biologically yours, and I will forever be grateful for that. I can’t begin to thank you enough for always keeping me near the Orlovs and keeping us as a unit. I begged and pleaded to stay with them, and now I’m running from all of you.

I have to, though, because I know you two will protect me, coddle me, instead of pushing me to be better. I need to be better. I need a reset. I need to breathe and figure out what the hell is going on in my head. Gosh, I sound so selfish, and I probably am. I’m running away without saying goodbye or even explaining myself fully. I’m sorry. I really am. I hate to do this, but you’ve raised me to be the best version of myself.

You saved me from a shitty home life, and I haven’t been who you raised lately. I don’t even like myself right now. I need to discover who I am without the safety net you guys give me so freely. Please believe, I’m so damn sorry. Also, please don’t look for me. Don’t hire people to find me. I’ll be back. I don’t know if it’ll be months or years, but I promise to come back.

Please keep an eye on Ingrid for me. On Tuesday and Thursday, she has a class with these three assholes who like to try to turn off her hearing aids and act like they’re signing to her, but they’re just making fun of her. She gets really sad on those days, and with…her brother’s season starting, she’ll be extra down. Not that Maeve and Don don’t take great care of her, but just maybe send a text on those days to make sure she’s okay. I offered to hit the guys with my car, but she declined. Please let the Orlovs know I love them too, and that I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused.

Sorry won’t ever be enough for you two, but I am. I love you. So much, and I’ll see you soon.

Audrina

LETTER TWO

Ingrid,

Don’t hate me, K? I know you don’t understand, and I know you’re going to be so upset when you realize what I’ve done. Feel all that, but know I am doing this because I have no choice. I know our parents are going to freak out and lose their damn minds. When they try to look for me, remind them I don’t want that. I’ve moved all my money from my savings to a new account, got a burner phone, and even have a new identity lined up, so I’m not playing around. I really need to figure out what the hell I’m doing. I have loved you like a little sister, and I want to be a person you’re proud of. Who you’re proud to love. Someone to look up to. Right now, I’m not.

Tell your mom and dad, and hell, mine, not to be too hard on him. What happened between us was really shitty. He said things that, while they hurt like a bitch, were alsoa huge wake-up call. We have so much history between us. You guys are always with me. We’re two families, but we might as well be one. You are my sister in all the ways except for blood, and I’ll always love you. There won’t be a moment when I’m not thinking of you. I’ll be back, K? But for now, I have to take off with my tail between my legs.

Please take care of yourself. Don’t let anyone be mean to you. If you catch a charge, between both our parents, someone will get you off. You don’t have to be nice because you’re different. What makes you different is what makes you the shiniest star in the sky, Ing. You blind me with your beauty and how incredible you are. Don’t let anyone dim your light, especially me, with how I’m leaving you.

Please don’t be mad at Thatcher or treat him differently. I’m sure he’s hurting as much as I am. Almost twenty-five years of friendship down the drain. It’s insane, and as I write this, my tears soaking the paper, it’s hard to breathe. I’m sorry, Ing. I’ll try to be back before you graduate.

Please remember not to let people treat you badly, and know I love you. Please make sure they don’t look for me. I really need this time to figure out who I am.

Know, though, a part of me will die daily without you.

I’m sorry.

I love you,

Audrina

LETTER THREE

Thatcher,

Get fucked.

Take care of your sister & our parents, K?

Audrina

CHAPTER ONE

There is a knot in my gut that I can’t ignore. I feel it, burning inside me, but I have to know the truth. With each mile that disappears behind me, along with each word that comes out of my buddies’ mouths, I can’t kick the feeling that this time is real. The anticipation issuffocating as I close in on what I hope is correct information. Each bit of news over the last three-plus years hasn’t made my heart race like this piece did. Maybe because this was a picture. A real-life picture of Audrina Hawkins in the flesh as she slung plates of hash browns and bacon.

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