Page 78 of Promiscuous Lies

He hums to himself. “Eli just struck up a deal with them. If you kill one of his men, it’ll fuck up the deal.”

“I know, but I’m not letting that dickhead anywhere near them,” I growl.

“Of course not,” he snaps viciously. He strokes his jaw. “It might be time you take this seriously, son. I know you feel pressured by your mother and me regarding marriage and such things, but it was never marriage itself we were pressuring you into. We just wanted you to have something to focus on other than us and work. We wanted you to have something, or someone, to come back home to. Whether you’re willing to admit it or not, I think you’ve found that.”

I watch Posie jumping, her hair billowing around her in blonde waves. The way I care about her makes me uncomfortable. It’ll make me weak. Destroy every belief I’ve had about myself. And I think it’s unfair knowing I’ll be a terrible husband.

I look at my father then, and my jaw tightens as if physically resisting admitting to the thing I’ve known for years. “I’ll make a terrible husband.”

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but then he smiles. “But will you? I thought the same about myself. But, Dutton, you’re already doing all of the things a husband would do. You’re providing for them. You’re protecting them. And you most certainly love her. You just have to understand that she comes as a package deal. If you go ahead with this, Bentley will be your son. So you must decide whether you can be actively involved in his life. Not as a distant figure but someone who embraces him entirely.”

He takes a seat, and I take the one beside him. I clasp my hands in front of me thoughtfully. “What if I’m not good at it?” I focus my gaze on my discolored fingernail. I struggled to build a bed, for fuck’s sake. My reality of home life is very different than hers. “I’m a dangerous man; won’t that give them more issues in the future?”

He considers this. “Adangerousman isn’t always abadman, Dutton. We’ve raised you to be a good person. At your core, you know how to provide them with what they need. And you’ll protect them when it’s required. And if you’re not ready for that level of commitment, then you need to let her go now. Keep an eye on the house, make sure no one disturbs their peace, and kill that fucker if he comes anywhere close to them. But it’s not up to you whether you’re good enough for her. You need to let her make that decision and respect what she decides. You need to be willing to walk away.”

The mere thought of walking away from her has me grinding my jaw. I don’t know when she became the air I breathe or the yearning for her to look at me or be within my vicinity started, but it’s obnoxiously insufferable right now.

“If she’s yours and this guy does come for her, you have every right to protect your family. Striker will understand if one of his men is working independently. The same goes for Eli. Business deals aside, you know that we protect our own no matter what. You just have to decide whether you do it at her side or from the shadows.”

A throbbing starts in my jaw from how tightly I’m grinding my teeth, and I’m startled as Bentley squeals and runs toward my father. He hugs his leg enthusiastically, gushing about all the fun he’s having.

I can’t help but compare myself to my father. Kids love him. What if I can’t be like that? My gaze slides to Posie as she slowly approaches us, putting her hair into a loose bun. What if I can’t be a good man for her? Or worse, what if she doesn’t want me that way?

It’s another matter entirely if I have the right to stand by her side.

Maybe she’s only ever wanted me for sex.

And wouldn’t that be ironic? The one woman I’ve fallen for might, in fact, be using me for the thing I’ve used countless women for.

Either way, I know I’ll protect them both until I die.

CHAPTER 39

Dutton

“Hey, boss. Posie is in your office if you’re looking for her,” Mike mentions as he walks past me.

What the fuck is she doing here? I told her she didn’t need to come in anymore and she could do everything from home. She’s mostly been doing that for the last month anyway.

“Dutton?” I stop as Paula steps in my way.

“Is she dancing tonight?” I ask curtly.

Paula looks at me, confused. “No, I think she’s just picking up a few things. But I do need to talk to you about hiring someone to replace her. The girls are a little strained.”

“I trust your judgment, Paula. I have also emailed the payroll company about your pay raise.”

“Pay raise?” she asks, surprised.

“Yes. You work hard and, in return, deserve more.” That, and I know she holds a soft spot for Posie, not that I’d admit it.

She nods like she can’t believe it as I step past her.

I couldn’t sleep last night, not after the discussion I had with Posie about her ex. I know she thinks I don’t understand because I’m not a family man, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have the urgency to protect what’s mine. And for better or for worse,perhaps both of us have been hiding behind promiscuous lies. We’ve been hiding behind the act of sex instead of confronting an obvious truth. At least, I hope she feels the same way about me that I do her.

I don’t want her with anyone else. And I pray to God she feels the same way because there’s no way I’m willing to hand her over. And if she tries to leave me, I’ll punish her. But I can sense the wall she’s put up between us, and I know it’s because of her son. They come as a package. And if I want Posie, I have to show her I’m willing to accept all of her.

Opening my office door, I find her putting things into her bag. She looks up at me as I enter. I shut the door behind me.

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