Page 31 of Ruled By Magic

Horror. Arousal. Fascination. Understanding. I shut my eyes and tried to process. After her initial terror subsided, the woman in the novel enjoyed herself. Most of the time, anyway. The forced submission to the man turned her on, just as I reacted to the Lord Commander.

Tears threatened. My reaction wasn’t unique. I wasn’t going mad. Other people—other women—must have the same desires. Why else would someone write a book about it? Relief washed through me. I’d had no idea. None.

On the tail end of relief came fear. There were things in the book I didn’t want to experience. Did the Lord Commander plan to use it as a manual? Was I an experiment for him, a warm body on which he could enact his desires? I didn’t want to be whipped. I didn’t want him to hit me at all, with anything. Angelina enjoyed that too, but I couldn’t see how. Pain wasn’t fun.

Discipline.

The word took on a different meaning. My brain had acquired a new language and a brand-new set of imagery to go along with it. Canes, riding crops, whips. Were such things common? Did people really enjoy it?

Did the Lord Commander?

Thinking of the man seemed to summon him. I hadn’t closed the bedroom door and there he stood, framed in the doorway. I pulled the duvet up to hide my breasts as an automatic reflex. He walked in without hesitation and sat down on the bed, one hand on my knee through the cover. Glancing down, he smiled.

“I see you found the book.”

I examined the Lord Commander’s face. His lips held a slight smile, and his eyes were bright, curious. I sat up in bed, keeping the soft covers wrapped around me.

“Yes. I found it and read it.” I offered it to him.

He traced a thumb down the worn spine. “What did you think?”

“I—” I licked my lips. “I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

“I’m not surprised. There aren’t many such items in Dexia.”

“Where did it come from?” I pulled my knees to my chest under the covers. The intimacy of the conversation, the Lord Commander’s solid presence in my bedroom, confused my senses. A new level of vulnerability, more than just my body at stake.

“Alaria. I traveled there with my dad when I was seventeen. He was busy with meetings all day, and I was old enough to roam around. I found it hidden at the back of a bookshop.” He placed the book down on the bed. “The woman behind the counter almost refused to sell it to me. She said I looked too young. But I managed to persuade her.”

Of course he had.

“What is it? I mean, I know what it is, but is this sort of thing—” I broke off. Why was talking about this so hard? He’d given me the damn book. He must want a conversation about it. “Is this common over there? Does everyone do it?”

He laughed. “I don’t think so. I’m not an expert myself. I’ve been on a couple of trips to Alaria since, but always for work, with no free time to explore.”

“So do you—” I paused. Was this question a step too far? I’d started now. “Do you do this a lot?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Do you think I’d bring this up with the women in my social circle? Imagine the scandal.” He shook his head. “Our society doesn’t favor experimentation.”

He looked down to where the book rested on the bedcover before meeting my eyes, frank and open. “I’ve had a few discreet experiences. For a price.”

I blinked at his willingness to share. He’d paid to explore his desires, something as forbidden as the book itself. He didn’t look concerned. But of course, who would credit anything I said? Understanding seeped in. I should have been outraged, but I couldn’t quite muster it. He must have dreamed of a situation like ours for years. A woman under his control, who no one would believe. Bound to obey him and comply with his demands. Call him by his title. Follow his rules. A fantasy made real.

Where was my anger? I should scream at him for experimenting on me. For awakening something frightening. I’d been normal until him, hadn’t I? What would I be after?

That wasn’t the most pressing question, however.

“What else are you going to do to me?” As I said the words, a million pictures raced through my mind. Scenes from the book, recreated with me and the Lord Commander. I squeezed my thighs together as desire flared, summoned by the twisted images.

His brows rose. “Why? Was there something you wanted to try?”

A blush crept up my cheeks as his gaze seared my face. “No! I—” Words refused to come. I looked away, unable to bear his scrutiny.

“Look at me.”

I forced myself to obey.

No humor. No trace of mockery. Eyes locked on mine, he grasped the bedcover and pulled it down. My knees covered my chest until he took hold of my ankles and, with gentle but firm hands, positioned my legs straight and apart. His eyes darkened as he examined me.

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