Page 2 of Baby Contract

“You think I enjoy hearing this tot cry?” Ben shoots back. He jiggles the baby up and down.

“Do you really think you should be doing that?” I ask. “Isn’t the baby’s brain weak? You could be turning it into mush.” Dex isn’t answering his phone. I text him.

Call me

It’s an emergency

“If you know so much about babies, you soothe this one.” Ben shoves the blanketed bundle into my arms.

“I don’t think this kid likes me.”

“What’d you do?” Errol leans over my arm.

“What do you mean?”

“The baby’s not crying anymore.”

Shocked, I stare at the tiny red face that’s no longer pinched and miserable. “I hadn’t even noticed.”

“It’s because our ears are still ringing. Here.” Errol hands me a bottle. “Put this in the baby’s mouth.”

“Like shove it in?”

“I don’t know. Just hold it there. I think instinct takes over.”

Errol’s right. The baby latches on to the fake nipple and starts sucking like it hasn’t eaten in days. Maybe it hasn’t. “We’re making progress. How do we get this kid back to sleep?”

“Try rocking.” Ben moves his arms back and forth.

I do as he suggests, and the babe seems to like it. At least she’s not crying. My phone rings. It’s Dex. I try to hand the baby off to Ben, but he backs off, shaking his head.

“Fine, then answer the phone for me.”

Errol reaches over and hits the answer button and then speaker.

“Yo, Carr, what’s up? What’s the ER?”

“Where are you?” I ask. The baby is making loud suckling noises.

“I was in the middle of playing pickleball.”

“For God’s sake. Megan was at my house, and she left me your baby. She said she can’t be a mom anymore, and she just ran out, leaving the kid behind. I need you to come over here and pick up your kid.”

I stare down into the baby‘s dark eyes. There’s a twinge inside of me. Dex is barely responsible enough to handle himself, let alone a kid.

“That’s not my kid.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know what Megan told you, but I wrapped it up every time we were together, and the times that I wasn’t wrapped up, she was on birth control, so there’s no way that baby is mine.”

Why is this earth filled with so many idiots? “Birth control is not 100 percent effective.”

“Don’t care what that bitch told you. That thing’s not mine. I’m not coming over.” He hangs up.

I press redial, but it goes straight to voicemail. “Errol, call from your phone.”

Errol does, but Dex doesn’t pick up. Ditto with Ben.

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