Page 86 of Wandering Closer

“Yep, doesn’t mean you have to. That ankle is still bruised, and I like carrying you. I get to practice for when I do this with you in a white dress.” The minute he pushes the front door open, Shadow launches herself at us, jumping up to lick me while whining.

He rushes me to the couch, gently setting me on it. Shadow is at my side immediately, kissing my face with fervor. “Gentle,” Thoren tells her, and she lays down, plopping her head into my lap.

“I missed you, too, girl,” I tell her as she rolls onto her back to look up at me. “Thank you for finding me.”

Thoren walks out, giving us a moment, before coming back in with arms full of flowers. “We have a lot of these in the kitchen,” he says, putting three vases on the coffee table. “These three are from Andrea, River, and Amber. I really like her, by the way. There’s four more in the kitchen from the SAR team, Michele, my parents, and even Jake.”

“There are also these.” He hands me some get well soon cards, and on the bottom of it all is the proof copy of my book.He kneels in front of the couch, hands sliding up my legs. “I want you to know that I am so proud of you. This book is incredible. You are incredible. I am so sorry that you didn’t get to celebrate it because of my stupid shit.”

“You read it?” my voice squeaks out.

“Michele saw it on the counter when she grabbed your clothes and brought it. I read it every time you slept.” I lean forward, smoothing my lips over his. There are no reservations left when it comes to this man. He has consumed me, and I am his.

His rough fingers stroke my cheeks when I pull back. “Thank you. We can celebrate the release instead.” My stomach rumbles, clearly unsatisfied with the hospital food of the last few days. “Will you make us dinner?”

“Absolutely. Give our girl some more love,” he says, rubbing Shadow’s belly as he places the cards and book on the table before heading to the kitchen.

It’s good to finally be home. I spent two more nights at the hospital because movement was still slow going for a while. My concussion is manageable, and I just need to be careful on my ankle for another week. Overall, I am beyond lucky that things aren’t worse. I didn’t realize how close I was to death until the doctor laid it all out for me, scolding me for putting the emergency blanket over my wet and cold clothes. At least I know for next time.God, I hope there is no next time.

Michele came back to visit every morning, and Amber even stopped by on her way to see Jana. I had Thoren text my parents to let them know what had happened, and a small part of me hoped that they would fly out, but they didn’t. They didn’t even call, instead texting a simple ‘glad you’re okay’. That hurt more than I want to admit, but I am coming to terms that they will never be the parents I want them to be.

If my brush with death wasn’t enough to warrant a phone call, then nothing will be able to mend what’s broken. I won’t fight for people that don’t want to fight for me. I spent too long trying to please others that didn’t see me. For months now, I have been working towards being confident in who I am and not accepting less than I deserve.

I’m learning that family isn’t necessarily the people that you share your DNA with, but those that choose to be a part of your life. The love I have from my family here is more than my love-starved heart could have ever hoped for.

It’s that love that has had my head spinning these last few days. The only thought that ran through my head while I laid on the cold forest floor was that I still had things I wanted to do with my life. I saw visions of my white dress with Thoren waiting for me at the end of the aisle. His hands latched onto mine, smiling brightly, as he encouraged me to give one more good push. His soft voice singing to our child as he danced around the kitchen. His legs wrapped around my body as I nestled back onto his chest, both of us watching our little boys and Shadow play in the water at our spot.

“Chicken enchiladas, shepherd's pie, or lasagna for dinner tonight?” Thoren calls from the kitchen, bringing me back to reality.

“Lasagna sounds incredible. Did your mom make all those meals?”

“Those are just the first ones available. We won’t have to cook dinner for weeks with all this food,” he jokes, taking a seat on the couch next to me. “Want to pick a movie while the oven heats?”

“No, I want to talk to you about something.” I turn to face him as best as possible without moving and upsetting Shadow.

“I don’t like the sound of that. What’s going on, baby?”

“Did you mean what you said in the hospital? That I am your everything and you see your future with me?”

“Lily, you are my sun, moon, and stars. The brightest spot in my days, the one I look forward to seeing every night, and the one I have wished for all my life, and have finally found. Yes, I meant every word of it,” his hands clasp mine, his eyes radiating sincerity.

There is no more time for fear in my life. I have a second chance and I am jumping in with both feet. He is the one my soul longs for, and I want to start our future now.

“I want to have your baby,” I blurt. “When I was out there alone in the woods, all I could think of was my future with you. Mad as hell at you and your dumb lie, it was still your heart I wanted to make my home in. I know it’s soon, and crazy, and we aren’t even engaged and life has been throwing us curve balls… but I love you, Thoren James, and I want to have your baby.”

He sits stock still, unblinking, his mouth opening, then closing again. I can feel the sweat roll down my neck, anxiety taking over. He isn’t ready. His comments and jokes have been just that, jokes.

He shakes off his shocked face, wraps his arms around me and picks me up, spinning me in a circle. He peppers kisses across my face before gently setting me on my feet. He leans back to look me in the eyes, his glassy and filled with happiness. “You want to have my babies?”

“I do.”

I’m picked right back up as I wrap my legs around his waist. Shadow huffs behind us, left out again, as Thoren barrels up the stairs. “You can’t say those two words to me baby,” he breathes into my neck, “They make my dick hard coming from your sweet mouth.”

“I thought you were heating up our dinner?” I ask, a little breathless as he lays me on the bed, climbing on top.

He lifts my shirt, kissing his way from my hip bone to the bottom of my bra, flicking his tongue over the fabric coveringmy peeked nipple. “That’s on pause,” he pulls down the cup, wrapping his warm lips over the pebbled bud. “I’m going to put a baby in you first.”

I huff a laugh, sucking in a sharp breath when his teeth clamp down. “A baby before dinner, huh?”

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