Page 32 of Wandering Closer

I turn my hand over to lace our fingers together. She keeps using the friend word, but as I let my thumb glide over the sensitive skin inside her wrist, I watch the goosebumps travel up her arm. There’s a connection between us and I know she feels it just as much as I do.

We finish our lunch, sipping our beer and watching people shop. I collect our trash when we finish, throwing it away as we walk back onto the street. I’m not ready to give up my time with Lily yet, so I put my hand on her lower back and steer her to the store next door.

“Want to do a little window shopping? Explore some of the best shops in town?”

“Yes! I’ve been dying to go to the hat shop, and I looked up the pet store that I really need to go to.”

“Lucky for you, both are down the road. Hat shop first?” I ask, holding the door to it open for her. It’s a ridiculous store, but it’s beloved by locals and tourists alike. It has every hat you can think of, from local baseball caps to ones with rubber chickens and spinning umbrellas. Lily goes through every section of the store trying on the ones she finds delightful. She turns to me every time asking how ridiculous or crazy she looks,but all I can focus on is the light in her eyes and the ease of her laughter. Plus she’s cute as fuck in every single one of them.

“Please, oh please, put this on,” she begs, holding out a purple fuzzy cowboy hat that is at least three feet tall and three feet wide. It’s so big she can’t lift it up to my head, but I oblige and slip the thing on. It’s not even fully seated on my head before she’s doubled over in laughter, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. “You have to let me get a picture,” she wheezes out between bursts of more laughter.

I plop a hat with fake dreads coming out of it on her head, and tell her she can only have a photo if she’s in it with me. My hat is so big we can’t fit it in a selfie, so we ask another shopper to get one of us. I gently place my hand on Lily’s hip and pull her into me for the photo. She’s stiff at first, but as soon as her back touches my chest, she melts into me.

“You better send me that picture,” she says as we put our hats back on the shelves and head to the next store. I peek at the photos they took and send the one of us both smiling at the camera to her. “Ooh, can we stop at Cedar and Sage? I bought a candle from there when I first moved here and it’s almost burnt out.”

I follow her into the small boutique as she heads straight for a table of local items in the back, including candles. I have to admit, it smells nice in here, so I ask Lily to pick one out for me. I keep my home clean, but Shadow likes to roll outside, so a candle can’t hurt to fix the dog smell.

Lily picks out some candles, refusing to let me pay since I bought us lunch. The girl behind the counter has red rimmed eyes, and looks like she hasn’t slept in days. I try not to stare and make her feel worse, but Lily shocks me by asking her about it.

“It’s Amber, right?” The woman nods, continuing to ring her up. “I had to come back and get some more of these candles that you sold me last month. You were so kind to me that day, andhelped me get some little gifts for my realtor. Can I, umm… can I repay that kindness by giving you a hug?”

Amber looks up at Lily, her eyes glassy. She stares at her open mouthed for a moment, but instead of replying, she walks out from behind the counter. Lily immediately wraps her in a hug, rubbing her back as the woman's shoulders shake slightly. I glance around, but we are the only ones in the store, so I take a few steps back to give them a moment.

They stay in the embrace for a few minutes, talking to each other in hushed voices. When they finally separate, they both wipe their eyes, then go to their respective sides of the counter like nothing happened. Lily thanks her, pays, and we walk out. We walk down the sidewalk in silence and I can feel a heavy weight on her shoulders. Before we get to the pet store, I lightly grab her waist and move her against the storefront behind her. My body is hovering over hers, giving her the space to express her feelings without prying eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Her bottom lip trembles, but her voice remains strong. “Her mother had a stroke this week, and the recovery is not looking good. She seems so heartbroken. I don’t do well when others are suffering.”

Her empathy to a total stranger is astounding, and ridiculously attractive. I can’t imagine if my mom had a stroke right now. I make a mental note to ask my mom to stop by there this week and see if there’s something she can do. She loves setting up meal trains, and last year, I found out she has been visiting people in the hospital with long term stays that don’t get visitors. Apparently she’s been doing it for years, she just didn’t want to make a fuss about it.

Lily reminds me of my mom in that way, and that thought secures her grip on my heart a little more. I wrap her in my arms, soaking in her vanilla scent again. “That is horrible, but I thinkwhat you did today made a big difference. What did you say to her?”

“I told her that I recently discovered how comforting a hug can be, and while I can’t do much, I can give her that. It took you and Michele constantly giving me physical reassurance for me to realize how touch starved I have been in my life. Your small acts of hugs and a hand squeeze startled me at first, but have turned into a sense of solace for me.”

That confession brings an ache back to my chest. I was raised in such a loving household that I don’t even register touch half the time. I want to be the place where she heals, the place where she gets everything that has been missing from her life. I take the bag of candles from her when we separate and grab her hand to lead her to the pet shop. “What do you need from here?”

“I wanted to get one of those purple dragons for my place. I really love having Shadow over, but I feel bad that she doesn’t have toys.”

She grabs a basket on our way in, and within fifteen minutes, it’s filled with toys, treats, and a water bowl. We are in the aisle with kitschy things when Lily squeals with delight.

“Can I get this? Oh, please, let me get this. I know she’s not really my dog, but I feel like I have some parental rights here. I mean, we do share joint custody sometimes.”

I turn to see the set with a coffee mug that says ‘World’s Best Dog Mom’ and a bandana that says “I Woof My Mom”. I have to admit, it’s cute and Shadow has grown to love bandanas at the rate my mom buys them for her.

“I think we need to ask your lawyer to draw up something official. You know, stating that you have rights to a minimum of one Shadow filled day a week,” I joke, adding it to her basket. “Shadow will love it.”

The light is back in her eyes as we walk to the register. I slide my card to the cashier before Lily can, drawing a scowl from her.I don’t care, I like taking care of her. Plus these things are for my dog.Our dog.We spend another hour strolling through town, popping into shops here and there, just enjoying each other’s company.

Eventually, we make our way back to my truck where I buckle her in again. Jake might be onto something with his kink, because knowing Lily is tied down and safe in my truck gets my blood pumping.

“I had fun today. I enjoyed watching you work. Your love for your job is palpable, and I learned a lot. Thank you for inviting me and showing me around town.”

I feel hyper aware of her presence beside me. The soft slope of her nose, the tiny almost imperceptible kiss of freckles there. The way her eyes look a lighter shade of blue when she is happy and like the dark depths of the ocean when she’s upset. The fact that she likes what I do, even if it isn’t a fancy job that will never make me wealthy, makes me inherently happy. I like everything about this woman, and I would happily spend my days in her presence no matter what we are doing.

“I’m glad you could come. Are you upset with me? For telling River?”

“I’m not. I was in the moment, but then I thought about it and that’s not fair. If this lawsuit goes to court, it won’t be a secret anymore. Plus, he helped you find a lawyer so I can’t be upset at that. I don’t see it as you betraying my trust, like you said. I never told you that you couldn’t say anything. I am more embarrassed and ashamed than anything when it comes to telling others.”

---