Page 18 of Wandering Closer

“Do you get lonely, too? Overwhelmed by the quiet at times?”

I contemplate it before deciding on honesty. “Yes, I do. I was in a relationship for a long time, and while we only lived together for a short time, I still get lonely living alone now. Shadow helps, it’s never too quiet with her around, and it’s someone to talk to even if she doesn’t talk back.” Shadow jumps on the couch in between us as we sit, letting out a huff. “Well, not always at least. Are you lonely in the cabin?”

“More than I would like to admit. I’m used to being alone, but I always had a job to go to during the day. I saw people at the office, talked with co-workers at lunch. Sometimes I went out with them for drinks after. I guess I didn’t realize when I moved here just how much time I would be spending alone. It’s an adjustment, that’s for sure.”

I notice she doesn’t call anyone friends, just co-workers. I think her life has been lonelier for longer than she is admitting, it’s just more apparent now.

“I guess we need to get you out more then,” I try to make light of the heavy weight now surrounding us. “Shadow is also available for company anytime you would like.”

I give my best girl a scratch behind the ear, then grab the remote off the coffee table. I want to tell her that she doesn’t have to be lonely. That I will happily spend every free moment with her. But Jake and River are in the back of my mind, reminding me not to blow this and jump in too fast. “What type of shows do you normally watch?” I ask, pulling up Netflix.

“I like rom-coms, action, and comedy. Lately, I have been watching this show to prepare me for winter here,” she says while absent-mindedly petting Shadow.

“What show is that?”

She turns to me, that flush creeping up her cheeks again. “Umm, it’s called Alone.”

My head tips back with a loud laugh, my shoulders shaking with the intensity of it. I laugh so hard I snort, then try to calm myself and look over to see her looking utterly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, I am not laughing at you. It’s just… our winters aren’t like that in the show. The snow isn’t even that bad some years.” I can see her shutting down and I instantly feel like an asshole. There are little things that she gets embarrassed from and scared of easily, and I can’t help but wonder who in her past caused her to be that way. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I have learned some great survival techniques from that show. What season are you on?”

“We don’t have to watch it,” her quiet voice bleeds across the couch to me.

Fuck, I messed up laughing at that. I love the show, I even thought about applying to be on it in the future. The winters herein the mountains can be bad, but they are nothing like being stranded alone in the woods with a few select items for months at a time. I get that she doesn’t know what to expect from a winter here though, and it is better to have some knowledge rather than going in blind.

I click on the title, hovering over the seasons, “You better tell me or we are starting over at season one.”

“Fine, season two, episode four.”

I click onto it and hit play, then reach over and put my hand on hers, giving it a light squeeze. “I love this show, I’m sorry I laughed. Winter in a new climate can be intimidating, but I’ll help you make it through. I promise.”

The edges of her lips tilt up as she turns back to the TV, leaving her hand under mine. Surprisingly, Shadow doesn’t even nudge our hands apart. She’s usually greedy and wants hands only on her, but since ours are resting on her, I guess it’s good enough. The first episode bleeds into the second, which turns into the third. I stop the show before the fourth episode starts, glancing over to see Lily fast asleep. I’m not sure when it happened, but she’s leaning against an equally dead to the world Shadow, her feet tucked up under her.

I stealthily slip from my spot on the couch and take a photo of them together. Even in her sleep, her beauty is astounding. I want to pick her up and deposit her in my bed, but I don’t think that will go over well. Kneeling in front of her, I gently shake her leg to wake her.

“Hey, you fell asleep,” I whisper, this time not stopping myself from reaching out and tucking her hair behind her ear. Her sleepy eyes blink at me before they warm and crinkle at the edges.

“Sorry,” she yawns as I sit back so she can unfold herself from the couch.“Thank you for everything tonight. Dinner wasso good. You set the bar high for when someone cooks for me again.”

I don’t want anyone else cooking for her. I like that I am the only one to make her a meal, even if it’s fucked up that none of her exes ever did. Instead of sharing that fact, I help her to her feet and lead her to the kitchen to grab her things.

“I’ll leave those here for Shadow.” She points to the container of treats, then turns to the furry pup sitting at her feet. “Only if you’re being a good girl.”

“Let me drive you home,” I say, grabbing my keys as we head to the door.

“It’s a five minute walk from your front door to mine.” She rolls her eyes, like it’s no big deal, but I don’t care. It’s late and dark, and she’s tired so I’m not taking no for an answer. I leave Shadow in the house and follow her out, opening my passenger door for her. “Thank you. You really don’t have to.”

“I want to,” I reply simply, closing the door behind her and rounding the front to get in. It takes less than a minute to get to her house but I don’t care. I take care of what’s mine, and whether she knows it or not, Lily feels like mine.

“Have a good night, Thoren.”

“Goodnight Lily.” I watch her climb out and shut my door, not pulling away until she is locked safely inside her cabin.

CHAPTER EIGHT

lily

Armed with all my notes from Saturday, I delved into working on my book on Sunday and Monday. Painting the house took a back seat, but I was able to knock out another eight chapters. Andrea is going to be thrilled with the work and the timeline. For the first time since I started working with her, I am ahead of schedule for my deadline. It’s probably a mix of no longer having a full time job, and the inspiration I am finding here, but I love that it brings no stress. I just need to fact check my previous writing with everything I learned from Thoren, and then again once we go to River’s game and I get to check out the facilities.

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