Page 100 of Zane

Zane nodded and bowed his head, listening as the pastor prayed for wisdom, clarity, and understanding for their conversation.

“So, how have things been going?”

Zane took a deep breath. He’d been thinking a lot about what to tell Pastor Kennedy, and he’d finally decided that if he wanted sound advice, he needed to tell him everything. So he did.

He told him what it was like waking up to discover that he’d forgotten several years of his life. Of how shocking it had been to learn he had a wife, and it wasn’t Sarah. Of the difficult situation he’d found himself in with regards to having feelings for a woman who wasn’t his wife. Of the physical challenges he faced with his mobility issues and the headaches that still plagued him.

It was a bit like throwing up all the emotions he’d gone through since first regaining consciousness in a world thatdiffered from what he remembered. Emotions he hadn’t even known he was suppressing bubbled up and out, leaving him a mess. It was like lancing a boil.

Throughout all of it, Pastor Kennedy just listened. His expression was encouraging and sympathetic.

Zane was more honest with him than he’d been with anyone since waking up in the hospital. He knew that he could trust Pastor Kennedy with all of it.

“You’ve definitely been going through a lot,” Pastor Kennedy said when Zane finally fell silent. “What are you struggling with the most at the moment?”

His response came without hesitation. “My marriage.”

“I can see that it’s been tremendously hard for you to be married to a stranger, especially when your feelings are still caught up in Sarah.”

“I want to do what’s right, but I struggle with what that is.”

“Do you think the right thing is to divorce Kelsey?”

“No.” Once again, his response was quick. “If I regained my memory and learned I’d divorced the woman I loved, I would be devastated.”

“Then your decision is to love Kelsey and to respect your wedding vows.”

“I guess… yes. But I don’t know how to do that. The love part. I know how to respect my vows.”

“It might not be easy, but I believe that because this is the God-honoring thing to do, He will guide you and give you the wisdom and ability to love Kelsey.”

The pastor picked up his Bible from where it lay on a small table next to his chair. It was large, with a worn leather cover.When he flipped it open, Zane could see that passages were highlighted and there were scribbles in the margins.

“I’m sure you know the verses where God commands us to love, right?”

Zane nodded. “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

“Yep. That one, but He also commands us to love our enemies.”

“Kelsey’s not my enemy.”

“No, she’s not,” Pastor Kennedy agreed. “But most of us would struggle to love our enemies if it were not for God’s help. So if He can give us love for someone we would normally find unlovable, then surely He can give you love for your wife.”

“I’ve been praying for that, but it doesn’t seem to be working.”

“It might not happen overnight, but if you give it time and care, I believe that it will. God wants your marriage to succeed. Have you been taking steps to try to encourage that?”

“I’m trying to spend time with her,” Zane said. “So I can get to know her better.”

“That’s a good start. But I think you also need to begin to tell yourself that you love her. Because, with God’s help, you will.”

It was hard for Zane to imagine. It felt like a weird way to fall in love with someone, let alone his wife. Forcing himself to have feelings went against everything he’d ever thought about love.

“Let’s not forget that the Bible tells husbands to love their wives,” Pastor Kennedy said. “So you are honoring that command in seeking to love Kelsey.”

“I don’t think she’s a Christian,” Zane told him. “It seems that I had walked away from the Lord in the years I’ve forgotten.”

“That means, along with love for Kelsey, we need to pray for her to come to love the Lord.”

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