Page 58 of Caged Bird

Suddenly someone was offering to shoulder some of that weight with me.

And nothing had ever felt quite as sweet.

He guided me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me. His lips found mine, in a gentle, sweet kiss that said things words couldn’t. I twisted on his lap, clasping both sides of his face between my hands and kissing him back, pretending for just a moment that Eddie didn’t exist and that this was our lives.

That Otis was our child, playing upstairs with his grandmother.

That this was our home, free from chains and the invisible fence that kept us inside.

For a moment, in my head, we could be more than our truth.

16

ZANE

Eddie whistled, limping down the stairs, a phone clutched in his fingers. He sank down into a kitchen chair and picked up a breakfast burrito Fawn had just taken hot from the oven.

“You’re in an unusually good mood.” I dried off the dishes I’d washed as Fawn used them.

“We’re having a party tonight,” he announced, amongst a mouthful of half-chewed bacon and egg. “Guerra texted to say he’s in town and he’s coming by.”

I eyed him, not sharing his enthusiasm over the head of one of the biggest criminal families I knew of gracing us with his presence. “Why?”

“After all the drug running and money laundering I’ve done for him, he’s gotta be coming to tell me he’s giving me bigger jobs. He’s been hinting at it for months.” He slapped Fawn’s ass. “We’re gonna be in the money, Peach! After all this fucking time. I can just feel it. Make something nice for him, yeah?” He swallowed and picked up a glass of juice, hovering it just inches from his lips. “Spider has been sent to town for supplies.”

Fawn nodded her agreement obediently.

Remembering my promise to keep my head down and play the game, I looked at my brother. “How can I help?”

He raised an eyebrow. “So now you want to help? Fucking typical. You get a hint of money changing hands and now you want in.”

Want was too strong a word. Resigned to helping him was more like it, but I knew that wasn’t what Eddie wanted to hear. So instead, I told him exactly what he did. “We’re family. If tonight is important to you, then it’s important to me.”

Despite how clever he was, he’d shown his cards one too many times. And yesterday, I’d finally taken a peep.

Eddie’s core weakness was not feeling wanted. It didn’t take a shrink to trace that back to our father abandoning us. It had only cemented itself when Fawn had left him, and he’d had to take her back by force. When he’d hunted Mom and me down, I should have realized it then, but I’d been too blinded by fear and shock and his manipulations to see the truth.

At his heart, Eddie was just a kid who didn’t want to be alone. And so he held on to people the only way he knew how. By dominating them, controlling them with fear, and threatening them until he had them right where he wanted them.

Eddie put his glass down and eyed me, but I could already tell he was pleased with my change in attitude.

“You can clean up the yard. Take the old bird and the kid with you until Spider gets here with supplies.”

I put away the last of the plates and wiped my hands off on the dish towel. “Of course.” I went to leave the room to find Mom and Otis.

Eddie’s voice stopped me at the foot of the stairs. “Good to see the change in attitude, little brother. This is all I’ve been asking you for. It’s really not much, is it? Just a bit of loyalty.”

I shook my head, agreeing with him because I knew that’s what he wanted. “I’ll do better.”

Eddie nodded with satisfaction. “I’m not an unreasonable man, Zane. I give second chances. But don’t fuck this one up, because I draw the line at thirds.”

I didn’t respond, just left the room, and quietly found Otis and Mom who were both neatly making their beds. Mom had insisted on sleeping on a cot in Otis’s room, even though I’d tried to let her have the spare room I was currently occupying.

But it had quickly become obvious she hadn’t wanted to be alone. And she and Otis were loving being roommates, especially because Eddie gave Otis about as much attention as he did a lazy fly buzzing around his head. Which meant he mostly stayed away from Otis’s room and its two occupants.

The two of them followed me downstairs warily, both of them sticking close behind me, and the three of us left through the back door, Fawn glancing up as we traipsed through.

I caught her eye for a second, lingering there while I held the door open for Mom and Otis.

---