Page 41 of Caged Bird

I pushed Zane away. “He’ll never let me outside.”

Zane’s gaze bored into mine. “Just tell me you want to.”

I hesitated. But against my better judgment, still scared this entire thing might be a trap, I gave a single nod.

Zane let go of me and walked backward a couple of steps, his gaze lingering on me until he rounded the corner into the kitchen.

It was only then I realized I’d stopped breathing.

But for the first time in years, maybe I didn’t want to die.

Imade lunch for the men, fighting the urge to spit in Eddie’s sandwich, then went upstairs to play with Otis while they were distracted. Their muffled voices floated up as Otis and I zoomed trucks around his bedroom floor, and when he grew tired of that, we snuggled on his bed, reading one of the handful of storybooks I’d begged Eddie to buy for him.

He was supposed to have started school in September, but every time I’d brought it up, Eddie had refused to enroll him. He’d said the school system was useless and his lazy mother could teach him.

Which I would have loved with all my heart and done to the best of my ability, even though I’d never been much good at school myself.

Except Eddie had never brought home the supplies I’d asked for. He refused to have an internet connection installed in the house, refused to buy the books I needed to help Otis learn to read and write.

Every time I’d tried to bring it up, I was just met with more and more of the same excuses. That he’d dropped out of school in ninth grade and it hadn’t hurt him none. That schools werebreeding grounds for woke bullshit and he didn’t want none of his kids learning that shit.

So I did what I could, teaching Otis by drawing in flour with my finger or by forming letters with cookie dough before it went into the oven. With the few pencils and paper Eddie did bring home, I wrote stories and read them to Otis over and over again, because Lord knew he was a smart kid and had already memorized all the children’s paperbacks we had.

He was so clever. And I wasn’t just saying that because I was his mom. He was such a bright kid, all big, curious eyes and full of smart questions that even had me thinking.

Eddie hated it, of course, and Otis had copped more than one spanking for irritating Eddie with his questions. He’d learned not to ask any in front of his father, which broke my heart, but was necessary for survival.

But when it was just him and me? He was allowed to ask all the questions in the world.

“Do dinosaurs have ankles?” his sleepy little voice asked.

I brushed the hair off his forehead gently. His eyes were half-mast, and though he was really too old for a nap, ever since Eddie had come home, I’d noticed how much more tired Otis was in the afternoons. Like just his father’s presence was enough to cause a restless night’s sleep.

I knew that was the case for me. I felt like I was always tired, because when I did sleep, it was with one eye half open.

Except for last night.

After Zane had left my room, I’d slept like I was dead.

And it had been bliss.

Addictive.

Otis drifted off, and I lay there with him for as long as I dared, before reluctantly tucking a faded blue blanket over his shoulders and closing his door quietly behind me.

I tried to sneak past the living room, but Eddie caught sight of me. “Peach. My dick is hard for your mouth. Get over here.”

Something inside me shriveled up and died, but there was no point pissing Eddie off by arguing. At least Zane wasn’t in the house to witness my humiliation this time.

Like the obedient little wife Eddie so wanted to pretend I was, I dragged my feet over to stand in front of him and then got to my knees.

“Eddie!” Zane hollered from somewhere outside. “Get out here, we’ve got a problem!”

“Deal with it yourself. I’m busy.” Eddie’s fingers tangled in my hair and pulled me closer to him. “Open that pretty mouth for me, Peach. Take it deep. I want it fucking choking you, you hear?”

A fresh wave of disgust and hate filled me.

I’d kill him one day. I didn’t know how. Or when. Or even if I was physically and emotionally capable of taking another life.

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