Page 1 of Caged Bird

1

FAWN

Parties meant punishments.

I let the tattered curtain in the upstairs window fall back in place, not wanting to watch Eddie’s friends park haphazardly across the overgrown front lawn. I didn’t want to feel the bitter disappointment when they emerged from their vehicles and carelessly crushed the wildflowers beneath their heavy boots.

Those tiny specks of color were the only beautiful things that still managed to grow, despite the darkness that clung to the air.

Maybe it was just me who sensed it. After all, the poppies still bloomed, and the men downstairs laughed and hooted and hollered, as if they were having the time of their lives. No one seemed to care that evil lingered here like a black cloak of death.

Music started up from a speaker, heavy rap, full of expletives and threats of violence.

Fitting for the men who’d hit the play button.

The volume cranked up to a level that sent a vibrating buzz through the walls of the old house, and I counted silently in my head.

One. Two…Ten…Fifteen…

“Fawn!”

Fifteen seconds to be summoned. It had been under ten last time.

Otis peeked up from his spot on the floor at my feet, his sweet brown eyes huge with fear at the sharp tone in his father’s voice. I knelt and quickly gathered him into my arms, engulfing his small body with mine and wishing with everything inside me it could be enough to keep him safe.

But it wasn’t. It never would be.

“Hide,” I whispered to him. “I’ll come for you as soon as I can, okay?”

He nodded obediently and scurried to the bathroom linen closet. I followed him, dragging the chains that kept me tethered to this house, keeping one eye on the staircase, the other on the boxes of old junk Otis pulled out from beneath the shelf of neatly folded sheets and towels. I grasped the edge of the largest box, labeled ‘old clothes for Goodwill’ though it hadn’t held those in a very long time.

Not since I’d cleared it out and replaced the contents with some pillows, books, and toys. Silent things a little boy could do in the darkness while he hid from monsters.

The kind who weren’t imaginary.

I’d left a bottle of water and some snacks that had been removed from any packaging that might make a sound. A flashlight, though we both knew he would never use it for fear of it giving away his hiding spot.

Otis climbed into the box without any prompting from me, and I battled back the tears that pricked at the backs of my eyes.

He knew what he needed to do, and it broke my heart every time.

“I love you,” I whispered to him, clasping his cheeks between my hands and turning his face up to mine. “No matter whathappens, promise you won’t come out of this box until I come to get you.” It was the same thing I said to him every time.

He nodded solemnly, his eyes far too wise for a boy of only five. “I know, Mommy.” He picked up the earmuffs and fit them over his head, just like I’d taught him, before curling into a ball at the bottom of the box.

My heart broke into pieces at his thumb slipping into his mouth. Eddie scolded him whenever he did that. Taunting and teasing him about being too old to act like a baby.

But I never did.

I just hated he was so scared he needed the comfort.

I stared down at him, his dark-brown curls messy across his forehead. “I’m so sorry.”

But the words were empty. A hopeless apology for a situation I hadn’t created, nor could I fix.

I closed the box loosely and put it back into its place. It had holes I’d poked in the back for air, ones men wouldn’t notice unless they dragged the entire box out and inspected it. The closet itself was so poorly made, the door half hanging off its hinges, so it had never shut properly.

We’d done this dance enough times I knew he would have adequate air to survive.

---