Page 27 of Caged Bird

If only I could make the thoughts in my head disappear just as quickly.

8

FAWN

My face blazed with heat the entire time I was in Otis’s room, getting him ready for bed. I read him a story with my neck on fire, and then sang his favorite lullaby, but I wasn’t as present as I normally was.

My mind was still in that bathroom, gaze connected to Zane’s, while I battled with my body to get it to do something that had once come so easily. But now Eddie had taken everything away from me. Including my ability to have an orgasm, apparently.

I said good night to my sleepy boy and slipped out of his darkened bedroom.

The bathroom door opened at the same moment, a billow of steam wafting out around the tall, toned, half-naked man. Water droplets clung to his pecs and abs. The towel I’d left in his room was tight around his waist, but it did nothing to hide the V lines that ran either side of his hips.

He shifted uncomfortably, clearing his throat, and I snapped my gaze up in horror, realizing I was staring.

“Sorry,” I blurted out. I practically lunged for my bedroom, needing to be anywhere but right there with him.

He was Eddie’s brother, and my brain screamed warnings every time he was near. I knew he was probably reporting back to Eddie. I knew whatever was going on here was a test. Just one of many Eddie liked to inflict on me, forever testing my loyalty to him, just like he did to his men. Zane had never helped me, and I didn’t trust him at all.

And yet that didn’t stop my body reacting to him like I was starving, and he was a main meal.

Zane was beautiful.

But dangerous things often were.

Zane’s fingers wrapped around my wrist, and I froze. His touch was warm. Soft yet firm. And I stared up at him, silently begging him to just let me go, because him touching me felt like an inferno beneath my skin I couldn’t put out. One I didn’t want to feel because it only fed the frustration that had led to me putting my fingers between my thighs, only to realize I was broken there too.

Just like everywhere else.

“Wait, Fawn. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…for earlier…”

I shook my head. “You have nothing to apologize for.” I bit my lip, debating whether to beg for his mercy or not, but ultimately deciding I didn’t have anything to lose. “Just please don’t tell Eddie. I know we haven’t been friends in a long time, but we were once. If that meant anything to you, just please, don’t tell him.”

He blinked. “Why would I…” His surprise turned into a frown. “What would happen if I did?”

I opened my mouth to tell him I’d be punished. That Eddie didn’t allow me to touch myself because that was a man’s job and my only pleasure would come from him.

Not that anything he’d done to me had ever caused pleasure. Only pain and hate and disgust.

But fear caught my tongue. And Zane’s question suddenly felt like a trap. Eddie wanted Zane to think we were a happy family, and I wasn’t willing to risk Otis’s safety on the hopes Zane might feel differently. “Nothing. Never mind.”

Zane’s lips pressed together, but he let the subject drop. “Could I borrow some of Eddie’s clothes, please? I didn’t bring any.”

That gave me a moment’s pause. Had he not expected to stay long?

But I just nodded and pulled my arm from his grip.

I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination or if there was truly reluctance in him letting me go.

I moved into the bedroom I shared with Eddie and opened the closet doors. Eddie was at least two sizes bigger than Zane, but I took out a few older shirts from the back that Eddie never wore anymore because they’d become too tight, the more he worked out. I found a pair of sweatpants with a drawstring, then took them to the spare room and handed them to Zane. “Just a shirt and pants. I figured you wouldn’t want to borrow underwear.”

Zane gave a small half-smile. “Definitely not.”

In the silence that followed, all I could think about was that he’d be bare beneath the sweats. The room suddenly felt too small, too hot.

The bed too big.

“I’ll leave you to get changed. Let me know if you need anything else.” I took a step backward to leave, but Zane’s soft voice stopped me.

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