Page 57 of Elven Lies

“Make and model of the vehicle most frequently used for your own everyday purposes. Business or pleasure, my dear. Thewhyof it hardly matters.”

“We have a 1972 Volkswagen Bus.”

“Ah. I see. Yes, very good. And do you have central heating and air in your current domicile?”

“I think so… But—”

“And who installed it?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

“Not to worry. Some questions simply do not have answers. Moving on. From which side of town did you travel today?”

Finally, a question that might have been remotely relevant.

“From Roseland,” Rebecca replied with a nod.

“Excellent.”

Unfortunately, that was the only marginally normal question.

“Who were you hoping to find?” Kaplan asked.

“Well,you. I think that’s fairly obvious.”

“No, no, my dear. With thekey.”

“Actually, when I figure out whatever this opens, I really hope I don’t find anyone at all.”

“How long is the longest you’ve ever grown your hair?”

“Um…this long, probably.”

“Apples or oranges?”

“What? That’s… Oranges?”

“Have you or anyone with whom you have ever been remotely affiliated, to the best of your knowledge, been involved in illegalblahktiworm racing in the last fifty years?”

Rebecca tilted her head. “I don’t even know what that is.”

“Do you prefer the left foot or the right?”

“Both? Neither?”

“I see… And finally, if you were stranded on a deserted island, completely cut off from the rest of the world,thisworld, of course—”

Rebecca scoffed. “Of course.”

“What is one physical commodity without which you couldn’t survive? One thing to bring with you, if you could, to join you in exile and solitude?”

Wellthatsounded dark.

“Coffee. And sugar.”

“Ah-ah-ah.” Kaplan lifted a finger to stop her. “Only one.”

This was absolutely ridiculous.

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