Page 66 of Fall Into Me

“Fuckingshit.” I pulled off my workout clothes without even remotely caring that I was pretty much completely naked in front of Fane. I’d die a little bit over that later, along with the fact that I had been pressed against him while there were actual rivulets of sweat dripping off my body.

“Rose.” Fane continued to sit on my bed, arms crossed and an amused look on his face. I wanted to flick it right off, even though the rigidness of his entire body told me that, more than anything, he wanted to figure out what the fuck happened.

I was hopping on one leg, trying to shimmy on my jeans with one hand while looking for literally anything to cover my top half with the other. “Fane, get up. We’re late for dinner. My mom’s going to hand me my ass.”

I was still hopping and pretty confident I was trying to get my head through the armhole of a sweatshirt when Fane spoke again.

“As much as I’m enjoying this, which I am,thoroughly, I already called Ash. He’s taking one for the team, let your folks know that I wasn’t feeling well, and you stayed home to look after me.”

A light breeze could have knocked me over.

“This conversation isn’t over, Calista.” I heard him get up and walk toward me.

“Oh, yes, it is.” I will admit that I wish I’d been a little more composed physically so my delivery of that line was taken with the seriousness I said it with.

I didn’t let myself think about the fact that my head was stuck in the sleeve of my sweatshirt and my pants were halfway on. Instead, I held my breath and pretended that just like I couldn’t see him, and he couldn’t see me.

“You might hate the fact that I know you, but I do. Whatever it is you don’t want to tell me, I’ll figure it out, and then I’ll help you whether you and your stubborn, perfect ass wants me to or not. Oh, and you’re welcome.”

I flipped him off.

21

Calista

After

I slept like shit.

Like actual shit.

The entire night was filled with screams that fell short, turning into pathetic, useless gasps that jolted me awake. With running in my head and twitching myself awake. With sweating until I was soaked through and waking up thinking the doors were unlocked and the windows were open.

Every time without fail, my hand reached out for Fane the second I woke up. Given that most times I was lying on or near him, it didn’t take long to find him. The moment I did, I pushed myself away from him, relieved that regardless of my restlessness, he stayed sound asleep.

He’d always been a light sleeper. He’d told me once that when he was growing up, he was scared that if he slept toodeeply, he wouldn’t wake up in time to reach his mom. A pin drop could’ve stirred him awake.

Of everything that had changed between us, that might be the only real thing that made me happy. That maybe someone, at some point, had managed to feel safe enough to sleep through the night.

With that thought in tow I gave up entirely the moment it started to lighten outside, creeping out of bed with a lead weight in my stomach, a pounding heart and throbbing headache. It felt like I was severely hungover but didn’t get to experience any of the fun parts that usually led to this sort of dreary end.

The second I was out of my bedroom and the door closed behind me, Jerry’s massive head was nudging into me. His nose was working overtime, sniffing and huffing as he checked me over. Making sure I was still whole.

I sank to the floor outside my room, resting my head against him. He didn’t move, his steady presence grounding me in a way I desperately needed. Jerry had been my constant when everything else spun out of control from the moment we settled into our new life in Darling. I’d been adrift, and he had been my anchor in a way.

I stayed like that for a while, lost in thought, replaying everything from yesterday. Every misstep. Every choice. The moment I ran straight into Fane and thought it was over—thatIwas over.

It made me realize that I’d gone my whole life without feeling the way I did yesterday. Scared and entirely willing to give up something I loved because of that feeling, just to make it stop.

The thought of never running again had crossed my mind. It lingered, sharp and heavy, because giving up running felt safer. But something about that thought—it didn’tfitright. Like I was giving in to something far bigger than fear. Like I’d be letting down more than just myself.

And maybe it wasn’t just running. Maybe it was about the way I’d always reached for someone else when I needed to feel steady. First Dad, then Fane, then Jerry. Every time life knocked me off balance, I looked outward instead of inward.

I’d never realized that in such stark clarity before.

And there was still a very big part of me that wanted to throw in the towel, to go back to leaning on someone else, but I didn’t want it to be because Ihadto. I wanted it because I didn’t but I chose to anyway. I knew how much life had already taken from me. Knew how hard I’d worked to bring myself back from nothing, even if my soul was still rough and cracked. If so much of it still felt tender.

I got as far as standing in front of the front door. It felt like I’d only been standing there for a second, ignoring Jerry’s nudges and insistence to take him with me.

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