Page 116 of Fall Into Me

Fane ended up in the fetal position on the floor, wheezing until the entire table was red faced and teary eyed.

When the chaos settled, all that remained were the soft smiles that lingered on everyone’s faces, shoulders loose andtension-free. Despite its slightly questionable taste, everyone had even gone back for seconds of Ashton’s infamous Carrie cake.

When we left for the night, my mom held onto me a little longer. Squeezed a little tighter.

“All these people are here because of you, sweet girl,” she said, tucking a black, wavy strand of hair behind my ear.

“No,” I told her with a gentle shake of my head. “Just like me, they’re here because of you.”

And it was true. My parents had always been the warmest, most welcoming people. Arms open for anyone and everyone, and the better my mom got, the more willing she was to let her circle get wider again. To let people back in to sit in the glow of her laughter and warmth. Both her and my dad.

In the last couple of years, it felt like we’d reversed our roles as parent and child. I spent so much time making sure they were okay—cared for, looked after—and when things needed fixing, I fixed them.

I’d confirm appointments so my dad only needed to check the calendar on the fridge before taking her. Stock their fridge, clean their clothes, their house, their car.

When we left that evening, my mom tucked into my dad’s side, I could see the life that had seeped from them slowly creeping back into their eyes. I felt the way they both watched me, like they were silently asking if it was okay. If I could see that they might be strong enough now to take back the role of parent they’d handed to me for so long.

I kept my beaming smile in place, my hand waving out the window until they were out of view, strong for them both until the last second—before it all came flooding out.

When Fane swore under his breath and started to pull the car over, this weird, honking noise flew out of my mouth. It wasthe culmination of trying to inhale, saying, “No, I’m fine!” and crying, all at once.

“I don’t know what to do!” Fane’s head swiveled between the windshield and me, where I was still trying to choke out the words, “I’m fine,” without sounding like barnyard poultry.

In the end, my frantic waving, which felt very reminiscent of an uncoordinated aircraft marshaller, was enough to get us home. By the time we’d parked, my tears had dried up, and Fane looked no less terrified than he did before.

He didn’t say a word, just sat with me in the silence of his truck, his thumb moving soothingly over the back of my hand.

“They seem…” There were so many versions of that sentence running through my head I didn’t know which to go with.

““Okay?” Fane offered, his voice low and steady. I knew from my half-formed statement that he understood where my head was at. My heart too.

“Yeah,” I whispered. “Okay.”

The word felt so big, so loaded. I was trying to say a hundred things with just those two syllables. Fane nodded, understanding every unspoken word despite none of it making sense.

“You helped get them there,” he said simply, turning his hand to thread his fingers through mine.

“I didn’t—” It was a reflex to deny that I had done anything, but Fane’s grip tightened just enough to stop me.

“You did.” His tone was gentle but firm, cutting through every excuse I wanted to make. “I’m sorry you had to do it on your own.”

My throat closed up, and the tears that I thought I’d run out of started welling up again.

All of my deepest, darkest secrets were held by Fane. The man was a vault. Anything that went in stayed there, locked tight,and kept safe. I’d never found anyone who I could confess my heaviest thoughts to like I could with him. Now it was like I’d finally managed to come out of the most harrowing storm of my life, and I could finally let them all out.

“I did my best,” I admitted, my voice cracking as the words I’d been holding in for so long finally spilled out. “And now I’m just so tired.”

“I know, baby,” he said.

“I don’t want to do it anymore. Be steady. I know that sounds selfish, but I’m not built for it, I have no idea how you do it.” There were so many times in the last two years I needed Fane. Needed him to shoulder the weight from me, but I realized too that without being forced to stand on my own, I would have never believed I could’ve done it.

But I did do it, and I was damn proud of myself for it.

That’s why when I thought of Fane and the decision he’d made for both of us, I couldn’t be mad at him anymore.

“How about another compromise?” he asked.

“Okay.”

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