Page 51 of Fierce Secrets

"Was he your first? Was he Gray's first kill?" she asked, jutting out her chin as she steeled herself. "My father – was he the first person you both killed?"

I sighed, knowing I owed her the truth. We'd all lied to her for years – her brother, Sofia, me. The people she'd trusted most had constructed a careful web of deception around her.

And I hated lying to her. Keeping her in the dark. It was time to let everything come to light, no matter how much it hurt. Some secrets didn't stay hidden, and some lies needed to be tarnished with the truth. We lived in a cruel world, and as much as I'd wanted to keep her safe and away from this life, it had caught up to her. I couldn't keep her from it any longer. She was right at the heart of it, especially since I wanted her, since I'd decided I was going to make her mine.

"No," I admitted. "He wasn't. Not for me, anyway."

She nodded slowly, a touch of relief, likely at my honesty, crossing her face. "Has Gray killed since then?"

"No, he's not that kind of person, you know him that well," I said, and her face softened even more. She'd needed to know her brother wasn't a killer. "Was he your last kill?"

"No."

Her expression was obvious. She'd assumed as much, but she'd had to ask.

"That rival company," she continued, her voice cracking, and she cleared her throat. "Did you handle it with violence? With blood?"

"Yes."

She nodded slowly, and I knew what this was. She wasn't asking because she didn't know – she was asking because she needed to hear it from me. Needed me to destroy any last hope she might have had that we weren't the monsters she now remembered us to be. She wanted to hear the truth from my lips, to know I wasn't going to keep her in the shadows.

If only I could keep her from the shadows of this world. But this woman, looking so strong and broken all at once, she deserved to be treated like an equal, allowed a chance to handle what we'd hidden from her for so long.

"Will you ever lie to me again?" Her question echoed in the empty theater.

"I never wanted to lie to you," I said truthfully. "You forgot what happened, repressed it all. Gray begged me to keep you in the dark, to protect you." I'd not agreed at first, worried on what it could do to her in the long run, but Gray was worried what remembering it all would do. It was a hard call, and I'd accepted his request in the end, keeping everything hidden from her.

"I'm my own woman." Her voice grew stronger. "I can decide what I can and can't handle."

"You're right." I moved closer, drawn to her like always. The waning sunlight caught the tears on her cheeks, making them look like glistening trails. How I wanted to wrap her in my arms and shield her from all of this, to protect her. But right now, it was me she was afraid of, me she saw as a monster. "I won't ever lie to you again, Meredith. You're an adult, and a strong one at that. You deserve the chance to handle this all, to bear the weight of the truth, and decide how you wish to deal with it."

She nodded slowly, watching me with such pained eyes. She lifted one arm in front of her, playing with a strand of her hair, the other crossing across her chest, like she was shielding herself from me. It crushed me, realizing she wasn't sure if she could trust me, of how she felt about me. Not that I blamed her, not after everything. I knew how I felt, how I wanted her, and I'd thought she'd felt the same. But that connection we'd shared, it was based off deceit and lies, and half-truths.

I steeled myself, holding her teary gaze steady. "Do you think I'm a monster?"

"Yes." The word was soft, uncertain, her expression conflicted as she looked at me. But it was like a knife to the gut, plunging in deep and slicing through me with ice.

"Are you afraid of me?" The question hurt to ask, but I needed to know. Needed her to tell me if she was afraid of me. I never wanted her to be afraid of me, to fear me. But right now, she looked like she might, and it was destroying me inside. I only wanted to protect her, keep her safe, and keep her light burning bright.

"I'm afraid of what you can do." She wrapped her arms around herself, looking small in the vast space.

"You never have to be afraid of me, Meredith. Never."

"I know." Fresh tears fell. "But I'm afraid of what you'd do for me. Because of what you've already done."

The words cut deep, deeper than any wound I'd had before. "Do you want me to let you go?" Saying it pained me more than anything else, and she blinked, staring at me with uncertainty.

I didn't want to walk away, to give up on having her. I'd decided so long ago that she was everything I wanted, even though it was unlikely I could have her. But it was never certain, and as much as I shouldn't have, I'd clung to the hope that maybe, one day, she could be mine. "Do you want me to not pursue this thing between us?" Emotional pain was somethingI'd locked away for so long, but with Meredith, it was crashing through, washing over me in waves as I awaited her response.

Her nod was almost imperceptible, but the tears streaming down her face spoke volumes. She didn't need to say the words – her silence was answer enough.

"Roman will keep watch," I said quietly, already turning away despite the way my heart felt torn apart. "I'll respect your decision."

Each step toward the exit felt like walking through concrete. At the door, I couldn't help looking back one last time. She stood there in a shaft of sunlight, looking like something from one of her beloved plays – the tragic heroine, forced to choose between love and morality.

But this wasn't a play. This was real life, and I couldn't change who I was. The violence, the darkness – it ran in my blood, as much a part of me as my heart.

I could protect her from afar, and I could set her free from the monster she saw in me.

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